A TALE OF TWO BABIES

CATCH UP....CATCH ALL

2010-07-11T22:15:00.002-04:00

i'll only say it once..dear blog, it's been too long. so a quick catch up in rapid fire sequence, and we'll forgive and forget... don't make me beg forgiveness. let's move on from this dormant time and be fruitful again!!

- the girls are excellent tricycle riders. the strangest part is pearl has a barbie bike. on the right side handle bar of said bike is attached a miniature bike. i always wondered why. pearl, in her infinite wisdom, showed me. it's a bike for a barbie, an actual barbie doll. so perched on her handle bar is a slutty, disheveled barbie with a half off tube top. so disturbingly inappropriate.

-we have been addicted all season to glee. i have, in my nerdy way, downloaded all the music from each episode. the girls can sing at request most of the journey numbers- don't stop believing, any way you want it, and faithfully. i have also been really digging "the bird and the bee" remake of hall and oates- i can't go for that. pearl, i have discovered is a pretty good singer for 3 1/2 years old. she has a pretty good ear, good tone, hits most notes! lily has one tone deaf noise she uses for all songs. she'll be good at gymnastics, i'm hoping!

-both girls can write their names. pearl can write half the alphabet and it is happy to do so on request. no one has told them that writing is already obsolete. i'll immediately expose them to a cell phone for texting and a laptop for emailing.

-HOLY SHIT!! literally! how could i forget to mention this. 4th item in at that! we are fully and completely potty trained. the teachers at school, one day, said, "PEARL IS READY!" which to me had the weight and equivelence of the clouds parting and GOD on high bellowing down, "I GIVETH THEE $1000 EXTRA PER ANNUM TO DO WHAT THOU WISHEST WITH. DECIDETH THEE WISELY WHAT THOU SHALL DO WITH THESE MONEYS!!" one week later, lily decided she was done with pull ups too. needless to say, we blew 3 years worth of diaper money on a trip to jamaica baby!! and we didn't have to pack an extra suitcase of diapers!

-little pearl decided this weekend that she should have her ears pierced. that story alone is worthy of it's own blog post.. another time. i need a bit to get over the anger, shock, resentment and finally relief. a whole host of emotions for 2 little flower earrings. lily is left unpunctured.

i'm right now watching for the millionth time, Pride and Prejudice... the colin firth, bbc version. no insipid kiera knightly for this household!

the perfect line to sum up the girls at this age....

"they have arms and legs enough between them and are 2 of the silliest girls in england."

yes, i know we're not in england.. but you get my point!

GUARD RAILS

2009-12-31T20:23:00.004-05:00

i've been neglectful. i haven't written. this blog is like a long lost pen pal. sorry blog, i'll be better in 2010! (#1 resolution!) does anyone still read this?? give a shout out if you do!

2009 has been a stagnant year for me. nothing to write in the history of years. 2009 was fine.. just fine. no better, no worse.

not like 2006- the year that change my life, my pregnancy, the girls born. 2001- when bc3 and i were engaged and married, and when 9/11 happened. 2002- when i saw the ruins of greece and the cathedrals of rome. not like 2008 when i decided to "quit" my job, move to wisconsin, and then at the last minute change my mind to stay, and travelled france for 2 weeks, living without a care. nope... 2009 was a snoozer. with the exception of the girls, my fabulous, precocious, amazing girls, my lovely, devoted husband, i'd have to say 2009 was a wash.

we survived this year. that's basically what we did. we made it through to the end.

but i'll tell you what i've discovered this year though... something worth writing about.

i can't sit around waiting for something to happen for me. 2009 had to happen for me to realize that. this year i'm going to get things out of my system... stop talking, and start walking. explore all possibilities. i'll get to my goal weight (i've already lost 20 lbs.) i'm going to figure out what i want to be when i grow up ( no small task.) it might happen so quickly, but i will lay the foundations. i will seperate the wheat from the chaff. make things happen, the right things, not just for my family but for me.

i can no longer live vicariously through my children, their achievements, their bright futures. they are my pride and joy, and becoming their mother satisfies the most basic desire i ever had. but it's not enough just to be their mom. they will appreciate that i've made myself satisfied apart from them.

i don't want a multi million dollar empire (although multi millions wouldn't hurt my plight.) i don't want to be famous.

i want to be happy and healthy. i want to travel. i want to experience life (we only have one, you know!) i want to be useful, and i want to make a difference. i want to live life on my terms, play by my own rules. there should be no guard rails. no speed limit or minimum speed for that matter! i'm going to take chances, because taking chances is the only way to find out. i'm going to figure out how to do this.

ok, well that's it. i've put it out there, and i can't take it back. what's said on a blog is law.

what's past is past and it's made me who i am. now, to figure out what i'll become.

good ridance 2009!! happy new year. i wish everyone happiness.

THREE IS A MAGIC NUMBER

2009-11-02T00:03:00.002-05:00

lily and pearl. you turn three today. it's an interesting age, three. it really is. you finally get everything. almost.

you are little people without the learned pretense of reason or inhibition.

you are both prone to trouble these days. you could cry for 40 minutes non stop, and then when i threaten you'll be punished, the tears turn off like a faucet, and you say, "don't put me in trouble, i'm not crying now!!" you play to your numbers, divide and conquer and many days you defeat us easily.

you both say incredibly entertaining things these days. your dad and i are never far from laughter thanks to you two. (pearl said, "daddy, actually i want an actual wind in the willow story." not a made up one that bc3 is prone to.)

and your stomach's are bottomless pits. you could have eaten 6 chicken nuggets, a pile of fried rice, some dim sum, a slice of pizza, broccoli, and a bowl of grapes, and you will still cry hunger 5 minutes later. what you really wanted was a "cheese string" and a dora yogurt drink and you will not stop complaining till you get them. your favorite place to eat those 2 items is on the edge of my bed right before bed while watching dora. you can suck down 4 juice boxes without a second thought, and still have room for strawberry flavored dora.

speaking of said cartoon girl.. she's your favorite at this moment. i guess i can't complain too much about her. at least it's not bratz or some other poor female roll model. at least dora's got friends, and can read a map. she can't be all that bad, however i'm not sure how crazy i am about a 7 year old kid having to find her way to the beach, alone with only a "monkey on her back" and a backpack that eats her crap! you are also into little bear (which makes me absolutely crazy, because he just does shitty stuff and doesn't get punished for it) yo gabba gabba, and the imagination movers.

favorite books are cinderella, where the wild things are (i'll eat you up, i love you so!!! in response lily will exclaim with real fear, "do not eat me up!!") wind in the willows, and james and the giant peach.

this year, in a proud moment for dear old dad, you chose to be wonder woman and super man for halloween. no generic princess's here (not this year at least!) lily you insist that you are super man, NOT super girl. you actually didn't specifically pick those superheros, in as much as we suggested and you didn't burn down the house with your hair on fire in protest.

you know all the lyrics to superman, batman, wonder woman theme songs.. and it's not per se a true knowledge in as much as you mumble the words until there's a part you know, and then you sing louder.. for instance, "spiderman spiderman mmmhhmmm spiderman. mmhhmmn mhmm mmhmm muhmm spiderman, mmhum hummh hmmm spiderman." there's some real talent there. a real love of music. prodigies in the making.

lily, you are loving, sweet, shy, and emotional. you are definitely my squeaky wheel. you give the best hugs. you are my heart.

pearl, you are bright, independent, kind and so thoughtful. sharp as a tack, nothing gets by you. you are my old soul.

you two are really the most amazing people, my favorites really. the best things to ever happen to your father and i. some days we want to tear our scalps off because you behave so badly, and some moments you are so endearing and sweet, you break our hearts.

this evening, while in bed,

i whispered to pearl, "i love you so!"

and she asked, "mommy, why do you love me so?"

and i said, "because you're my baby girls....and you're the sweetest babies ever."

happy third birthday, lily and pearl.

8:30 PM

2009-10-21T20:08:00.002-04:00

it's approaching that time of the night. the time we set as bedtime for the girls. we're all lying in bed now watching the latest episode of some inane pre-school show. the girls are screaming "MAP, MAP, MAP!!" it's a bad habit we've established, watching 30 minutes of tv before bedtime. it's passive, but i found myself needing it. just needing to shut down for a little while, but still be with them. they are calm, i'm settled, diapers are changes, pj's are donned and bedtime is looming.

after the show, we all climb into their shared bed.. a mattress on the floor. we turn the lights low, and we read books, tell stories, and sing quiet songs. bc3 is the story teller and i sing the songs. we've taken to singing "kookaburra sits on the old gum tree," "twinkle twinkle," "somewhere over the rainbow," and that old jump rope song, "strawberry shortcake cream on top..tell me the name of your sweetheart." classics. songs i remember from childhood myself.

bc3 tells the story of "wind in the windows," as pearl calls it. he tells it different everytime.. the actual book is just too wordy to actually read. same with "james and the giant peach"...scary parts gleened over, no mention of ghosts at all.

the best story told is the one about princess mommy and monkey daddy. it's the 2 minute version of how bc3 and i met, our first date, our engagement, and the appearance of prince toby, princess lily and princess pearl.

if all goes well, we kiss, hug, and tuck in. we close the door "just a little bit" and they are off to sleep. if all goes well there is no screaming, crying, begging for 5 more minutes, cries of hunger because of course we haven't fed them dinner, fruit, dessert, cheese sticks, nuts and yogurt.

i breath a sigh of relief, but always secretly, later in the evening, i peer in their room, hoping that they wake up so i can spend just a little more time with them.

CONVERSATIONS...

2009-09-28T20:24:00.002-04:00

the scenario: dinner, this evening. pretty good behavior all around. minimal prodding with EAT, EAT, EAT YOUR DINNER.

me: pearl, finish what's on your plate.
pearl: no, mommy, it's a bowl! (it was a bowl)
bc3: pearl, if we want to split hairs, we'll go to a barber.
pearl: nooooo, daddy!! my name is not barbara!!!

we could not control our laughter after that one.

NEW YORK CALLING...

2009-09-16T20:11:00.004-04:00

i'm in london at this very moment. sitting in my hotel room. it's 1:11 here, and i leave for the airport in 4 hours and 30 minutes to board a flight home to new york. back to bc3, back to lily and pearl, back to toby and the triumphant return of pudding the cat.

i've been gone since last thursday. i was travelling on 9-11, which did not sit well with me, but i had no choice in the matter. i wasn't in new york to remember. i was in paris, i don't speak french so have no idea if it was even covered in the news. i'll return home tomorrow, and then leave the very next day for a weekend away with bc3, to celebrate our 8th anniversary. we were married 3 days before that tragic day, and i always think that if it had been 1 weekend later, we would not have been married in 2001. our wedding was in little italy and it would have been cancelled.

i'm not happy about leaving the girls again so soon, but our trip was booked, hotel paid for, babysitters arranged. and bc3 and i could use some time alone. it will help us appreciate all we have, the girls, our family. although i'm crystal clear about what i have waiting for me at home. i'm anxious, can't sleep, and i can't get home to new york soon enough.

BINGO WAS HIS NAME-O

2009-08-18T23:14:00.002-04:00

MY CRAZY GIRLS....

FRAULEIN LILY

2009-08-10T21:27:00.005-04:00

so as previously posted, my summer motto is "I AM THE BOSS!!!" triple exclamation points, all caps, shout out loud.

tonight, i said to bc3 about lily, "i will break her." 5 time outs tonight in a span of 1 hour. that's one for the record books.

i don't want to sound like miss prima donna, but i had to walk home from the train station this evening because a certain miss lily c would not let mr bc3 change her stinking, and i mean stinking diaper! he couldn't get her in the car, and when i arrived at the train station, they were still at home. so i walked. in bad shoes. and i got blisters. grrrrrrr!!!

i got home and decided a lecture was in order... a "you must listen to daddy, and mommy had to walk home from the train station because you were not behaving and i got blisters" lecture. i also decided that the barbie radio would be confiscated along with broby and muno yo gabba gabba dolls as punishment (if you don't have pre schoolers, don't know what noggin is, and have no idea what i'm talking about, open up another window and google it!)

a screaming, hollering, and all hands on deck tantrum ensued..."I WANT MY MUNO PUNO DOLL!!!!! I WANT MY BURBIE RADIO!!! IT'S MINE! " exclamation points, shout out loud. time out...#1.

then macaroni and cheese dinner (lazy tonight) where lily decided she forgot how to feed herself.. through sobs, "i don't how to feed myself...!" ranting... time out #2.

within 30 more minutes, time out #3, #4, #5... during the latter two she was sent to her room. she just wouldn't feed herself, continued to hang on me, and just carry on.

so she finally, after to5 decided to eat her dinner, the whole thing, including the edamame, which was her "treat."

then she recounted the whole evening, telling me how many time outs she had, and how she wasn't behaving, and that pearl was behaving, and that she wants to be a good girl and how she just ate her "ememames" because she was behaving "now." complete with sorrowful nods punctuating her contrition.

one of my favorite lines from sound of music....

"Fraulein, is it to be at every meal, or merely at dinnertime, that you intend on leading us all through this rare and wonderful new world of... indigestion"

i think i'll have this lazer enscribed on a titanium plaque, it's so damn bang on to what my night was like.

THE SUMMER OF '09

2009-08-02T21:45:00.010-04:00

it's the beginning of august and it feels like summer is yet to begin. mid summer and i have not even turned on my sprinklers yet! the rain has been relentless and you can't rub two non raining days together. everything feels moldy, damp and overly green.

so this summer we have been wasting our money on pull ups instead of diapers. the whole subject annoys me because i'm throwing away money on something who's only function is life is to hold shit and piss!! anyway, i'll say every so often during the day, "who has to go potty?" and inevitably the answer in return is, "NOBODY!!"

their favorite movie this summer is little mermaid. the other day at the beach, pearl lost her new bead bracelet. when bc3 told her ariel has it now, she figured in her head that ariel would give it back to her when she watched the movie next.

their favorite show is YO GABBA GABBA. we are earnestly trying to figure out how we'd pull off dressing up as ygg for halloween, and we've figured out we are two persons short, casting as follows:

toby to play the part of broby(green striped monster
bc3 to play the part of muno (red one eyed creature)
me to play the part of Dj Lance (skinny black guy in orange skin tight jump suit)
and the girls fighting over the roll of foofa. (pink thing)

we have no one to play plexi the awesome yellow robot or toodee, the blue cat like monster. the girls of course both want to be foofa because she's pink and has a big flower on her head. i was actually trying to persuade pearl to be toodee. this was word for word a conversation i had with my 2 3/4 year old daughters.

"pearl, you can be toodee!"
"mommy, no, i want to be foofa!"
"no mommy, pearl can not be foofa, i am foofa!"

i promise you, if we came down your street looking like the above, we'd be the talk of the preschool set....

talking about pre school. the girls will be starting said "pre school" in the fall. they like to call it "free school." believe me if it were free, i wouldn't have formica counter tops, laminate kitchen cabinets, and ugly tile floors. i can't wait for the day it actually becomes "free." i look forward to the day when they can sing the alphabet song without the lyrics in the middle being "elmo- n- o- p." this "learning through play" concept is wearing thin... now i want my moneys worth. proper days of the week, instead of everyday being sunday, and some rudimentary physics.. not too much to ask, is it?

they've also developed a pretty ripe sense of humor. pearl has taken to calling me moms, as in, "no problem moms." then she stares at me to see if she gets a laugh or reaction.

i've also decided my mantra of the summer is, "i am the boss!" meaning 2 little girls are not going to rule the roost. tantrums, whining, and meltdowns will not elicit positive outcomes. time outs are to be strictly enforced. bedtimes at a timely time. cry it out has reached new heights.

so even though we've been thwarted at every turn, we have managed a few nice beach nights. although there is barely evidence of it because we can never remember to bring our camera. here are some pics from last saturday night. it was a rare beauty of a day and we enjoyed it thoroughly.

Oh.. and lest we forget... i turned 34 this summer!

LOW MOMENTS

2009-07-23T22:14:00.006-04:00

bc3 is gone. he's left me. i've been abandoned.

bc3's on his first big boy trip alone. to san diego. comic con...nerd fest.

and i'm here, a single mom.

the other night i sank to a new low. pearl would not eat her dinner. lily insisted on being difficult...

"get me my drink,"
"i want a spoon"
"i don't like lobster!"
"feed me like a baby!"...

they like to say, and i know perfectly well they can feed themselves. i threatened, i grabbed for a life preserver, "if you don't eat your dinner, i'm calling daddy and i'm calling the police!!" daddy, they could care less about. the police part struck an exposed nerve. pearl's face registered instant and palpable fear.

both snatched up their bowls, fork instantly in hand and proceeded to shovel the food into their mouths. "don't call the po-weece mommy! i eat like a big girl."

bile rose up in my throat. did i really just threaten my 2 1/2 year old's with police action??

i felt awful, victorious and powerful, all in the same moment.

i've used it twice more since bc3 has been gone. once to get them to bed, again to get them in the bathtub. the shock and awe has worn thin on lily, she just ignores me and continues to run around her bedroom naked. i need the prop of the telephone for it to ring true with her. but pearl, she buys it, hook, line and sinker... jumps into bed, jumps into the tub, and asks how high.

like i said, i'm not proud.. but it's two against one, and if i don't want to be found by the neighbors bound and gagged while the house burns down around me, then this is what i need to do. i'll do what needs to be done. i'll do the doing that does the job.

that's right...i said it, and i'll say it again...at least until bc3 gets back on sunday.

NUTHIN' BETTER

2009-07-10T22:20:00.004-04:00

what's more fun than having great neighbors?? on a whim, bc3 and i invite over judy and family, dawn and baby gwen, mee ma, and ry ry for a friday night bbq complete with hot dogs, hamburgers, pasta salad and 'smores. what a lovely way to spend an evening! especially after a pretty trying week at work.

not that i don't have some crazy neighbors... there are the "punks" across the street. one morning we woke up to a tent pitched in the side yard. we sat at our bay window watching with rapt attention waiting to see who would come out.. boyscouts earning their camping badges, perhaps?? no, pre-adult girls, half naked and the punk kid emerged...also the home where my neighbor lisa and i found a used prophylactic on the sidewalk one day while walking with our 4 young daughters. "what's that mommy??"

let's see.. there's also "barefoot dad" who we also call "angry dad", and at times he's also nicknamed "shirtless dad." and lastly he is also called "cool dad"... "cool" said with a very metered amount of irony. there's plenty of occasions when he is all four at once! it's clear that he is multitalented.

the same punk house has jake the dog whom we are continually rescuing. i'll say, "honey, jake's outside, go get him!!" we find him wandering the sidewalks, head hung low, a gentle beast. he's the sweetest dog in the universe and the punks really don't deserve him considering they don't even know he's missing when he's gone.

there's foreclosure house down the block.. grass knee high, their front gutter was hanging off the roof for a week and rather than put it back up, they just pulled it off! who needs a gutter anyhow?? the house is in foreclosure! why keep it nice for the jerk off's who'll get it next? foreclosure house is the home to some mean teenage bastards who rev their obnoxious cars up and down the street, stand in the middle of the road as if they're entitled to that square foot of street beneath their feet. enjoy it now! that's where you'll be sleeping when the bank owns your house. maybe the lawn will finally get mow'd.

and lastly there is curmudgeonly old dude down the block.. he's loads of fun. he likes to bitch and moan about the bushes that lap over into the sidewalk, the birds who shit in his backyard, the pollen in the air, the blue skies, sun, rainbows, kittens and flowers.

so i realize good neighbors are few and far between. bad ones throw beer bottles on your lawn and bring down your property value.

NO SERIOUSLY

2009-06-18T20:51:00.003-04:00

we just got home from a cruise. we sailed from NY to the bahamas. two major reasons we chose a cruise was:

1) no flying. i have never even blogged about the 10 hour flight from france to NY. i'm still mentally blocking how horrible it was and how scarred it left me.

2) kids camp. unfortch, the girls did not take to kids camp. instead, everytime we tried to leave them there, lily clung to my legs trying to climb back up from whence she came. the first morning, we dropped them off, and we were called within 30 minutes because they wouldn't stop crying. the second morning was slightly better. lily cried on and off for an hour, and then we were forced to pick her up. pearl stayed for 3 hours, and when i arrived to pick her up for lunch, there was a giant stuffed, plushie smoke stack named freddie there (pearl HATES life sized plushies.. micky mouse, elmo, you name it)... so the rest of the time she cried that she didn't like "paddy" and didn't want to go back to camp. who the hell thought it was a good idea to create a plushie smoke stack??.. what's so fun about that??

this whole situation made me furious at them. what had i done wrong to raise such co dependant children?? i watched enviously as other parents just dropped their kids off, waved good bye and could enjoy their time as their kids enjoyed camp. lily tried to hold my hand as we were leaving camp, and i actually pulled my hand away from her... i know! i'm awful.

so while vacation was fun, it was also very hard.. lots of work, lots of tantrums and melt downs..

the following conversations actually happened.. i couldn't make it up if i tried..

me: lily, you better behave, or believe me, you will get a time out!!
lily: no mommy, i do not believe you.

me: pearl, do you want a time out?
pearl: yes, put me in time out.

bc3: lily, if you don't behave, i will spank you.
pearl: don't say that daddy, that's not nice.

me: lily, i do not like your behavior.
pearl: mommy, you like my behavior??

and the piece de resistance:

pouring myself a glass of wine.
me: you girls are driving me to drink.
pearl: we're making you thirsty, mommy??

CATCH UP

2009-06-01T21:55:00.005-04:00

it's been a while folks...so here's what's happening in rapid fire succession.

SINISTER??
bc3 has been trying to teach the girls how to put their shoes on. they can't get the concept of right foot and left foot... instead they keep saying, "no daddy, it's right foot, wrong foot!" how freakin' cute is that... right foot, wrong foot. so instead bc3 has taught them dexter and sinister... right and left in latin.

BARBIE'S CRYING
we're going through the trials of potty training. we've gone back and forth between diapers, and pull ups with little success. so yesterday i took a chance. it was a beautiful day out, and i decided since we'd be outside most of the day, i'd put underwear on them. barbie underwear. barbies face featured front and center on the pantie.. barbie, in their business. totally weird. anyway, i told them they have to tell mommy if they have to potty, otherwise if they pee pee their underwear, barbie will cry....my experiment of course didn't work. they both peed themselves. barbie was indeed, crying yellow tears.

SLEEP AT LAST
4 weeks ago, we freed ourselves of the tyranny of the pacifiers. it's been a long and trying time for us. for 3 weeks straight they screamed themselves hysterical. one night, stubborn lily cried for 2 hours straight. we were ruining our good sleeping habits by letting them fall asleep in our beds, then transferring them into their cribs... we'd be awaken in the middle of the night with howling, and then sleep the rest of the night with a baby, maybe 2 between us. it was a living nightmare. we were zombies. then we rediscovered....hylands calms forte. homeopathic magic sleepy night night pills. i'm buying stock in hylands as we speak and stocking bottles by the dozen. sleep at last, sleep at last, thank god all mighty we have sleep at last!

MIMICS
lily- screaming her head off, "i don't want those jammas. i want big girl jammas."
pearl- "mommy, i do not like lily's behavior."
me- "neither do i pearl, neither do i."

NEW OBSESSION
glee.. watch it. you heard it here. yes, i'm still into friday night lights... an all of 5 people watch that show. but glee is good. it's really good. i've been listening to the glee version of journey's DON'T STOP BELIEVING on constant repeat on my ipod. unfortunately, they put one teaser episode on and it doesn't start in earnest till the fall... but, you have all summer to watch the one episode online. seriously.. i mean it...don't be a loser. i'm taking to you. you know who you are.

NEW GUILTY OBSESSION
i know my brain cells are dying, melting, screaming for mercy. but i continue to watch....I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE. and of course the ultimate, check your brain at the door...THE HILLS.

THE BIG WIPE SHIP
we're taking them on a cruise.. them meaning them... the girls. we need a vacation. we can't leave them at the kennel, so they'll have to come with us. they love boats, they love the ocean...the boat is like a floating daycare to me, complete with kids camp that runs from 9am-10pm, and an adult pool and all you can eat shrimp. we use empty threats with them daily. "if you're not good, you can't go on the ship.. only good girls can go on the ship and eat shrimp." as if we'd have any way to back up our threats, like i said, we can't leave them at the kennel. and i'm already paying for their shrimp. they do love their shrimp.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH...

2009-04-20T21:59:00.008-04:00

the (not so) tough, head to the liquor cabinet. that's where i ended up this evening after one of my most challenging days as a mom.

i found myself muttering, "no... not rum(this isn't spring break pina colada time!)...not vodka, do we have olives for martinis?...baileys, no...sake, no... can't a girl get a bottle of scotch? we need to make a run to the liquor store..mental note, add scotch to the shopping list along side eggs, and milk. why don't they sell booze in grocery stores??" i finally settled on a decades old bottle of couvoisier. given to us by bc3's dad, when he cleaned out his liquor collection. not bad. smooth, warm down my throat. i feel it taking the edge off a really bad day.

it started last night, with an unexpected visit to pediatric urgent care at lij. the culprit, pink eye, lily to be specific, as i had predicted in my previous post. drugstore...drops...sanitizing hand gel...home by 9:30. way past bedtimes. then this morning.. trying to figure out how we would get pearl to school...alone, without her whining about wanting to stay at home with lily and daddy. we lied. cooked up a story about a special trip to the store with daddy, alone. he bought her a book, then took her to school. it worked... no meltdowns.

i went off to work, late, due to the morning machinations. works's fine, but i found myself wondering, "what am i doing here? it's so pointless sometimes!!" after some really, really bad samples landed in my lap. that's when the desire to drink came on really strong.

i sloshed through the torrential rain to get home to my loving family, taco night, bacterial eye infections, and that stiff drink i had dreamt of all afternoon. only that's not what i got. instead what waited for me?...1 beyond recognition, tantrum filled, 4 time out maelstrom. it was epic. and in the middle of lily's nuclear meltdown, pearl says, "mommy! clean this table, this house is a mess!" i'm sorry, are you channelling my mother in your 2 1/2 year old body?? and by the way, you're the one that dropped your taco in the first place. then the talking back, "NO. YOU. DON'T. PUT. ME. IN. TIME. OUT!!" said exactly like that, petulant punctuations and all.

then, i realized that i had to look at pearl's hand. my sister had seen a splinter in her finger from saturdays trip to the beach. the kids were crawling all over the boardwalk, and my nephew had paid his own visit to urgent care to pry out his deeply embedded splinter.

i touched her finger and she cried out and ran from me as if i was trying to amputate it. bc3 had to pin her down with his full weight to get her still, while i clumsily scraped at this tiny piece of wood in her tiny little finger that had been there since saturday! when we were done, she looked at me, upset, angry and betrayed. her own mother had hurt her. she wouldn't let me hug her. it shattered my heart.

all i could think of was my drink.. i needed it. and THEY weren't going to let me have it. bc3 brought up an inadequate glass of port to appease my dark passenger.. not enough, i needed the hard stuff. it took 30 minutes of gossip girl before lily went off to bed. pearl wasn't having it.. when we finally got pearl off to bed 15 minutes later, lily woke up again! it's 10pm now, i've had my shower and am finally having my drink. i'm winding down, holding on for dear life, to my few moments, alone. we'll start again tomorrow, and tomorrow i'll remember to buy that bottle of scotch.

HOT ZONE

2009-04-01T23:06:00.003-04:00

i have experienced three new things this week... bronchitis and ear infections, two of them.. one in each ear. i have never in my life contracted either of these ailments, and this week, i got them both...at the same time.

what's different? the girls first 3 months in daycare. they run off everyday to do GOD KNOWS WHAT?? because everyday i ask them what they did in "school" and everyday they reply the same thing..."we sleeping mommy!" they say it as if "sleeping" at daycare were the most brilliant and exciting sleeping they have ever slept. is that what i pay another mortgage for.. sleeping? wanna know what else i pay for?

i also pay for lethal, deadly, atomic, wipe out the species, gird your loins kid germs!

and when i'm floored by those kid germs, i also have the pleasure of watching my own kids, who are not wiped out like me... nay, they are not. they have just enough bacterial infection to warrant a temperature and a cough, just enough for us to get that call, "you need to come pick up lily and pearl." DAMN, bc3 forgot to give them that morning dose of tylenol which would have stemmed the tide till noon... but their systems have immunity so no, they are not wiped out, they are boisterous, happy in fact that they get to, "stay home with mommy!!"
they also decide to....
"climb in your bed, mommy(you didn't want to sleep, did you?)!!"
"want some tea, mommy(i spilt mine all over the couch!?)"
"i sit in your lap, mommy (as you hack out your lungs!)"
"you don't feel well, mommy? (i feel well, mommy!)

i look forward to wooping cough, scabies, polio, hand foot mouth, coxsackie, rsv, chicken pox, and oh! the beloved pink eye.

HIT ME OLD MOTHER OVER THE HEAD WITH A SHILLELAGH

2009-03-17T22:02:00.005-04:00

me- pearl, say corned beef.
pearl- corned beef.
me- what are we eating?
pearl- corned beef, i don't want it.
me- pearl, say, "HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!"
pearl- mommy, i can't!

CHEAP DATE

2009-03-10T23:04:00.004-04:00

tuesday nights are date night. why tuesday? two words... FREE MOVIES. that's right. my mom comes every tuesday and bc3 and i get to traipse around the neighborhood like we're a young couple in love. tuesday nights are for free movies (thanks to our over priced cable/internet/phone company) but what happens when there isn't anything good playing? there are three scenarios and they are the following:

1) we go to dinner. we do not go to dinner unless we have a coupon. yes, i said it, a coupon. in this bad economy, we can't go around like swells spending our money all willy nilly on cigars, scotch, steaks, and champagne... unless you've got a 25% off coupon for said indulgences. (we also usually don't go around pretending we're gangsters from the 1940's either, so....) anway, i scan the mail for my val-pak, check out the deals in the penny saver, and cruise restaurant.com for $2 certificate specials. we do alot of eating with the over 60 set.. that's when the good deals are to be had...before 6pm.

2) date night also happens in the supermarket, mall (and subsequently the mall food court) or anywhere we might need to run an errand... it's happened at costco, too. yes, i know you're saying, "LAME!" but if you don't have multiple children, you have no idea how freaking awesome it feels to go run any errand without the whining, pleading, begging, screaming and carrying on. bc3 and i just skip and stroll down the aisles, holding hands, reminiscing about the days of old when we could buy meat and dairy products completely unencumbered. there are no impending meltdowns, no tearing open of boxes of cookies, as yet unpaid for, as bribes for silence.

3) we go to see a bad movie. because after all, it's still free.. tonight was one of those nights. now, it was actually better than i thought it was, considering all the bad word of mouth it's gotten, so i was happily surprised. we saw that chick lit, chick flick HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. saying the title gives me the douche chills. (does anyone think that the scrawny apple guy is just not leading man material yet??) it has also been out for quite a while so it was playing in the worst theater in the theater. the one with the faulty a/c... the one that smells like a foot that's been in a sneaker without a sock for the whole day. the one where they don't turn off the lights fully when the movie starts, because they've actually forgotten that you're there. the one with the screen so small that it's possibly better to just wait till the dvd comes out and you can watch it on your flat screen at home. the theater where you are left for dead, all the theater patrons could go feral, beat each other unconscious with the seat cushions and no one would find you for days because they just don't know you're there. you know that theater... you've been there. probably on a cheap date night.. just like mine tonight.

VIVA LA DATE NIGHT!!!

MORE CONVERSATIONS

2009-03-09T22:55:00.003-04:00

at dinner:
me: pearl, are you eating?
pearl: yes mommy.
me: pearl... are you eating or playing?
pearl: i'm playing mommy.

more dinner:
me: pearl, can you eat your taco.
pearl: yes, mommy, it's delicious. i want more.
me: good eating pearl!
pearl: i have a tummy ache.
me: pearl, stop eating. do you want to lie down on the couch?
pearl: no, i want to eat my taco!

more "eating":
bc3: pearl, tell mommy what you ate today...
pearl: a boogie, mommy.
me: a boogie? you ate a boogie from your nose? did it taste good?
pearl: no, it didn't.

coming home from california:
me: hey girls, i got you a present from california.. it's a horsie. what are you going to name your horsies?
pearl: it's canifornia horsie!
lily: what the what horsie!!
me: what's a what the what horsie honey?
lily: it's what the what horsie!
me: what? ok, never mind.

another gift from canifornia:
me: girls, i got you these cupcake stickers from california!
pearl: yook (look) mommy, i'm feeding cupcakes to my canifornia horsie.
me: very good pearl.

MORNINGS

2009-02-11T23:53:00.003-05:00

yesterday...
me- come on pearl, wake up, time to go to school.
pearl- no mommy, i still sleeping.

today...
me- pearl, get up, let's get dressed
pearl- go away mommy, i reading.

tomorrow....
me- come on pearl, wake up sleepy head. let's get going.
pearl- whatever mother, you are a total fascist dictator. leave me to my thoughts, and write a check for my therapist while your at it.

DRINKING THE KOOL-AID

2009-02-03T23:25:00.004-05:00

i was at a party the other day where i found myself defending my place of business, which happens to be a certain mega store with a bad reputation. i've only been there a month, but i happen to think "mega*mart" is a company which operates with integrity, and principle, moreso than any other company i have ever worked at.

it certainly doesn't hurt that in this economy it's the safest place to be right now. macy's just laid off 7000 people. i shudder to think where all those fashion industry peeps are gonna go?? the market is flooded with unemployed designers, merchants, and buyers. and forget it, if you don't live in nyc, you are SOL!!

so back to "mega*mart." they are so above board that when you go to an appointment, you are not even supposed to accept a bottle of water...and if you do, prepare to shell out the going rate of $1 before you leave. that still blows my mind! they leave no margin for accepting gifts to even give the appearance of undue influence...

government should take a page from MM's playbook....blagojevich... i'm talking to you!! pay attention!

MM also has a huge sustainability initiative. and they are doing it quietly too. no fan fare, it's not a ploy for marketing.. just doing the right thing.

yup, i've drunk the organic, cane sugar, reasonably price kool-aid alright...

apropros of nothing.. here's a pic of lily and pearl in their brand new t-shirts.. lily threw a tantrum when i tried to take her out of it tonight. she wanted to wear it to bed. i don't think real kittens with bows on their heads, nuzzling up to real puppies wearing sweaters hand knit from fluffy white bunny fur could be cuter than these two peanuts...

ONE DAY YOU WAKE UP AND OPRAH....

2009-02-02T23:34:00.007-05:00

has changed her format. i'm not an oprah fan mind you.. i find her to be way too preachy and judgemental if you want my opinion on the matter. but i do watch her show occasionally but rarely. but like i said, one day, ages ago, you turn her on, and she completely pulls the rug out from under you. instead of one entire hour on serial murderers, she does,say 5 minute mini segments on, oh, i don't know.... a serial killer, then how to make over your kitchen in 5 easy steps featuring that bubbly and effervescent rachel ray, then she deftly transitions to a butt cruncher workout, and finally finishes off with slave labor in africa. it's an emotional roller coaster....and boy if you're on her booklist, you'll make millions!

anyway, my point is, i've got limited time these days, and with gossip girl to watch, commuting, pedicures, facebook, and...oh! my children... the pressure of a composed and sensical blog post is too much to bear. this blog is much like the neglected, and dusty elliptical machine in our basement, every year i promise to give it at least 20 minutes a day, and when i don't follow through, i drown my sorrows in half an entenmanns louisiana crunch cake...poor poor underused blog...if only blogging burned calories.

anyway.....back to my point.

short and sweet blog posts... or stream of conciousness. that's what you should expect from now on. to start it off:

BILL PAYING-
omg. it's obvious, no one likes to pay bills.. i can't f-cking stand it. i hate the oil bills guts. i think i'd rather burn down the house for the warmth than pay another oil bill this year. or fraggin chase.. don't even get me started on low budget ghetto chase credit card. stay clear of me while i'm paying bills or hand me a xanax and a shot of whiskey. take the shotgun from my hands while you're at it.

QUESTION AND ANSWER WITH LILY AND PEARL-
me: did you have a good night sleep?
p: yes mommy
me: did you have good dreams?
p: yeah!
me: what did you dream of?
p: um i dream of cookies.. cookies mommy!!

how nice it would be to be 2 again.....

now didn't that remind you of an episode of oprah???

HAPPY

2009-01-24T23:36:00.002-05:00

i think i can truly say that i am pretty happy with my life right now. this is something i have not been able to say in a very long time. i started my new job 3 weeks ago... shockingly enough, i really enjoy it. why is it different, you might wonder? for one thing, they really need me. unlike my last job, where i twiddled my thumbs and cruised facebook all day, i'm occupied more than most of the time, and that feels f-cking amazing! i'm appreciated for my knowledge, and experience.

the girls started "school." and to my unending relief, they love it. i don't know what i pictured in my head... visions of tears stained cheeks, major tantrums, and sleepless naptimes. bc3 was supposed to attend school with them for the first 3 days, but by day 2 they kicked him out. the girls were adapting better than expected. they even have their first "boyfriend" named stefano.

some other changes.. we're eating every night as a family, home cooked meals by bc3- no more last minute calls "what do you want? i don't know, what do you want... let's get takeout." i get home every night on the 5:44 after a productive day.... a productive day is also had by the husband while the girls are in daycare. we plan our meals, plan our days, plan our weekends, and we're spending time together. we have date nights, which takes us away from the girls, and lets us appreciate them all the more. i spend every available second with them, in the moment, present and accounted for, knowing that it all matters. there is a nice unstructured structure to our lives now. we work when we're supposed to work, and play the hell out of the time when we're not. we have great friends and family, and i appreciate them more than i ever have.

what we had to do?- we took the box and dumped out all the crap, then put it back in a different way. only then did we realize that everything we needed was right there to begin with.

HEAVEN IS.....

2008-12-26T12:22:00.003-05:00

doing some post christmas shopping, and walking away with an amazing assortment of fun ornaments for next years tree(on sale of course), then coming home to a gourmet cooked breakfast of eggs benedict with prosciutto, perfectly poached eggs, home made hollandaise, mimosas with prosecco. all prepared by the best husband in the world (and the mess cleaned up by him too!)

it was a great christmas, and a better morning after...santa was nice!

cheers everyone!

NON SEQUITURS AND MERRY CHRISTMAKWANZUKKAH

2008-12-18T20:05:00.010-05:00

a civilized evening
tonight, bc3 and i got to have a quiet meal by ourselves in our own home. this is how it went down.... we played till 7pm at my sisters apartment. i fed them mac n cheese there... don't feel sorry for them.. it was laced with delicious chunks of prime rib! i got them home, and tucked them into our bed to watch their current favorite movie, annie. while they were chilling, i cooked dinner for bc3 and i. i put them to bed at 8:30, then we had a lovely dinner without screaming, threats of murder and death, food being flung, and bribing with vats of ice cream and fudge sauce.

tomorrow... tomorrow!!!
annie is their current favorite.. we moved past wallace and grommit, we're coming out of babe the pig, and we are smack dab in the middle of I-O-D-E-N-T. we've watched it so many times, i'm sure i can recite it by heart. they beg, "watch annie, watch annie!" it's pretty cute. pearl has actually started to sing along to tomorrow... in the immortal words of burt heally,
"you're never fully dressed without a smile!"

speaking of dressed....
lily has been unbelievably difficult to dress these days. she insists on pink.. while i myself love pink, i do know that is a fashion faux pas to dress in head to toe pink, a lesson which my dear girl of 2 does not know yet. every morning, she screams, "i pick, i pick.. i want pink." she runs up to her wardrobe and picks out two articles of pink clothing.. many days it's two pink shirts. then comes the arguing and explanation that she can not wear 2 shirts and no pants... and when i try to force her into something neutral on the bottom, she will kick and scream and tantrum until i am defeated. i either fish out a pair of pink pants, or run to the (dirty) clean laundry pile to find a pair. last week, i decided to make my life easy. i went to carters and bought 5 (yes 5) pairs of identical hot pink pants...i went for low cost and pink as you can get! folks, you can't get any pinker if were to coat yourself in bottles of pepto bismol. when i used to design children's clothes, i snottily argued with my merchant and refused to design pink pants, thinking what moron would dress their kid in pink pants. we would argue, compromise, and argue again..
guess who's the moron now?

on the subject of staying...
i've blogged nonstop about moving in the past few months. i don't think i've addressed the decision that we're staying put. in the end, i really couldn't see myself without my friends and family, and living in dodgeville wisconsin. for example.. this weeks weather alone calls for heavy snow, and temperatures ranging from -2 degrees to a high of 27! i don't own clothes that would keep me warm enough...i would have certainly gotten frost bite, some part of my foot would have fallen off..yes, maybe just a pinky toe.. but i happen to like that toe.. it was the one that went wee, wee, wee all the way home....it was really a decision that benefits my health, in the end.

the ghost of chistmas' past
for some reason, most christmas days, bc3, the girls and i have nothing to do. the tradition is to spend christmas eve with my immediate family- big dinner, wine, booze, dessert till we can't see or speak coherently anymore, and we're all lying across the floor, moaning and groaning despite our elastic waistband pants.

then comes christmas presents..inevitably we'll be waiting on someone to get out of the can (as a result of the previous feasting) and we scream and yell and rush them out because we are all 7 years old and can't wait the 5 minutes to get to our presents. then the systematic handing out of gifts.. everyone gets theirs in a pile, then we tear them to shreds like the animals we are, all together...total mass chaos of paper, ribbons, pajamas, toys and the 5 pair of panties my mother gives to each of us girls every year(the boys get sweaters.) it's great fun. our past used to involve midnight mass, then opening of presents, but those pesky kids and "their bedtimes" got in the way of that real quick.

another traditional present from my mother includes a box of ferraro rocher chocolates.. we look forward to them every year.. no, they're not godiva, yes, you can buy them at a drugstore.. last year we were all had.. she must have been fooled by the gold foil and look alike boxes, because instead of getting our beloved ferrero rocher's we got "ferrari rocher's." some knock off, wannabe.. they were awful. we never let her live that down.

so back to the nothingness on the 25th. after the christmas eve festivites, my sister goes her own way, to spend the day with my bil's family, and same for my brother. this leaves bc3 and i with nothing really to do... i don't think spending the day staring at my parents is the way to go, either.

we'll skip over xmas 2003.. that is a post i am not prepared to write at this moment.. i might have to have a guest post from bc3 to completely convey the folly of that years christmas.

xmas 2004 was strange(pre lily and pearl). not imagining that supermarkets would be closed on christmas day, we left our meal up to chance, and ended up with nothing to eat. we correctly surmised that the chinese(as a people) never close for any reason(we figured, who feeds the jews on christmas day? the chinese do!!), and we got ourselves to flushing, queens to go to the market there. we feasted on homemade buffalo wings, and kraft mac n cheese. we had decided on a white trash, comfort food menu that year. the "homemade" part made it all gourmet like...

so xmas 2006, when the girls were a mere 2 months old, we packed them up, and dragged them into the city for a late lunch. thinking we were going to find some place fabulous to eat, we ended up in this really strange polish restaurant on 2nd avenue in little poland... one of the only places open on christmas day. it was also colder than we expected so we had to duck into the only duane reade that was open for really cheap stretchy, one size fits all gloves and knit hats. bc3 still wears that hat to this day! it was a christmas miracle...

so that leads us to.....
this year. i'm hosting my families christmas eve feast. so the burden isn't entirely on me, it's sort of pot luck.. my mom bringing the prime rib.. my sister bringing lamb. i'll make all the sides, and bc3 has decided to make a traditional english triffle for dessert. this is something his grandmother used to make and it brings back fond memories for him. so i've decided to let go and let god...i won't interfere, it's all his to make. with that said....

i wish everyone a christmas, chanukah, kwanza, festivus, or voodoo day free of food borne illness!

i wish everyone could be with their families for the holidays. (a tall order these days) and if you've got nowhere to go on christmas eve, and you know where i live, and i know you(and just because you're my friend on facebook, doesn't automatically qualify you.....sorry for all the strict conditions) you are welcome to spend christmas eve with my family!! remember, it's potluck... don't be a scrooge and show up all empty handed!

i wish everyone love, health, happiness and especially peace in the new year!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!

AND THAT MAKES ME A COUGAR

2008-12-06T10:28:00.004-05:00

i've been thinking alot about my age these days. i still feel like i'm 21, but i know that i am 33!! my 2 kids give me away, the wrinkles starting to show under my eyes,but....my lack of maturity is most concerning! the other night, i spent 1 hour arguing with my bff, sandy, about our "lists." (also my need to use the term bff doesn't help the case.)

so back to "the list." as far as i know, the term was made popular by friends.. when ross makes a list of famous women he would get a free pass with, if he ever were to run into them. the point being that most ordinary people would never, ever get a shot at anyone on their list!

i thought about my list, weighed out the pro's and con's, and discovered that:

1) one person on my list is a fictional character out of a teen novel.... sandy and i argued for a long time on this one.. she was convinced that i liked the star of the movie, but really, no, it's the character from the book. i have the mind of a 13 year old girl. this "(fictional)person" is only 17.. cougar territory.
2) one is under 30... not so bad in the age department, but he's got a girlfriend who i like to describe as "man-ish."
3) one is a recovering addict.. i don't care, i've loved him since...well, way before he went to prison..
4) one is most likely gay....
5) and the last one, i love mostly because of the role he played in a certain jane austen movie...

can you guess my list? who's on your list? (sandy's not allowed to guess!)
i know....i told you! immature. that's me! this is what happens when you're unemployed and have too much time on your hands.

A SADNESS HAS FALLEN OVER THE NEIGHORHOOD

2008-12-04T17:20:00.004-05:00

so i have been lamenting all over facebook, publicly outcrying and protesting the move of my next door neighbors to the other side of town. my cries have fallen on deaf ears, as they are now gone. taylor and madison are favorite playmates of lily and pearl. i had dreams of lily, pearl and taylor being bff's, going to grammar school together, and ruling the schoolyard with their good natured rivalry and fun personalities. but that dream is dashed as they will be attending different schools, and they will have to reunite in high school. at best, they will be indifferent acquaintances, their social circles already established from grammar school. they will pass each other in the hall or english class and faintly remember that they played together as toddlers.

i am being quite dramatic, i realize, if only to continue to inflict guilt on lisa and john for leaving us so desolated.

now, new neighbors have moved in next door, the very next day, as if lisa, john, taylor and madison where never there to begin with.

but alas, i'll stop complaining, and be resigned to the fact that i'll have to pack lily and pearl into the minivan and get myself across town, so the girls can have their old friends. (and mommies can have a playdate too!)

a video of the last afternoon of easy, carefree playing...

HAPPY FAKESGIVING!!!

2008-11-22T21:57:00.005-05:00

so tonight, the weekend before thanksgiving, we had a "fakes"giving. we made all the fixin's and no turkey whatsoever. who cares about the turkey! it's usually dry, tasteless and pasty anyway. instead we bought a spin chicken from the supermarket as our stand in, surrogate poultry. i made the best, and i do mean THE(long E)BEST oyster stuffing in the universe. sandy made her families famous corn puff. jen made the smoothest mash potatoes.. and just so we wouldn't go into carb overload, we threw in some string beans for good measure. and of course there was the store bought chicken... (but i did make a delish white wine gravy from the au juice.)

along with all this, we killed 4 bottles of prosecco (between 5 adults), many bottles of beer, a pear tart, and a mini pumpkin pie.

the point of our fakesgiving was to serve only sides, and sides which were not going to be served at our real thanksgiving on thursday... but the oyster stuffing was soooo daaaaamn goooood, that it might have to make a reappearance. and corn puff is just far and wide better than just opening up a can of corn and nuking it in the microwave.

tonight during all the festivities, bc3 and i looked at each other, almost simultaneously. a quick thought passed between us completely wordless. "we don't want to go...we're not going."

this was in reference to our much debated move to madison wisconsin. we were having so much fun, just eating, laughing, making merry that we knew in our hearts that we could not leave this.
the girls were running around, having so much fun, we were in our element. this is where we belong.. i just wish it weren't so hard sometimes.

we are loved here... we love being here. we love OUR people here. this is our lives, not my job or my salary.

i'm not saying that we're not moving.. not just yet. we don't take this decision lightly. we still have to do what's best for our financial future and the future of lily and pearl....but we'll do everything in our power to stay...

and if we go, we'll go kicking and screaming.

A LIFE HALF LIVED

2008-11-20T23:29:00.005-05:00

check out my score card on the right.. 2007- 103 posts vs. 2008-33 posts. this is pitiful! and it's very much nearing the end of the year. 2008 is drawing to a close, and i've had the most tumultuous year i can remember in all of my adult life.. and obviously i've been blocked to write about it.

this year, i turned my life upside down. i left my job. i'm considering moving my family halfway across the country to a land locked (RED) state which most people couldn't find on a map if it was labeled with a tack stuck to it. (my friend still keeps saying we're moving to minnesota...and i keep correcting... wisconsin!!!.. doesn't matter, still cold, and still not new york!)

it's everything i've ever asked for...an exceptionally well paid job where my commute would be 5 minutes, i'd have a 5 bedroom, 3 bath mcmansion for less than most 4 year college tuitions. i'd have time with my daughters, my husband.. our time would be our own, and life would be comfortable and affordable and practical.

but is that what i'm looking for, comfortable and affordable and practical? don't i want extraordinary, and unique? different, exciting, charmed, whirlwind, and dramatic? or do i want calm, and dependable? i can't decide, and i'm beginning to be aware that i'm a changeable, and intrinsically conflicted person. i have this idea in my head of the person i want to be, the life i want to lead, and neither the life i'm leading or the path i'm following will put me in that direction!

i'm near ready for a change, either way i decide to go.. west or stay east, something has to be shaken up... a life lived in fear is a life half lived, "they" say. stay tuned. hopefully next year, my score will improve.

PEARL MOMMY!!!! and LILY LEMONS!!!

2008-11-18T22:22:00.003-05:00

this is just so damn cute... pearl and her litany of mommy!

at least they'll never get scurvy.

PRIMER

2008-11-13T08:43:00.009-05:00

the girls are growing by leaps and bounds... their speech has just blossomed overnight. but there are a few strange things we fostered in their vocabulary that we just can't seem to reverse. much like my chinese speaking grandmother who raised us, (there was a language barrier, and we created and spoke this half chinglish which only my siblings and my grandmother understood)the girls are creating words of their own to help them communicate.

here's a primer on some words no one but bc3 and i would understand....

wahyer= water...easy to figure out...

bee= any type of bug, be it flying crawling, ant, or fly.

escowie= spaghetti- again, you can kind of see where this came from.... if you were smoking crack...

gai gai= going out, going anywhere, mainly getting in the car. gai is literally chinese for "street."

ginkie-ah = binkie

this gets screamed all the time.. we haven't decided when the binkie fairie is coming for them, but it better be freakin' soon!

moomie= movie=nick parks "wallace and gromit-the wrong trousers"

don't think you can say you'll put on a movie, and pop cinderella into the dvd... oh no! prepare to be assauted by pleas, whines, and outraged screams.... movie IS wallace and gromit. we have it on a dvd on perpetual loop... they could sit and watch it all day if we let them, which has tempted me on occasion.

noggin= (aka every mommy's best friend and babysitter, channel 123) is not the preschool channel we all know and love. noggin = jacks big music show, which specifically is the episode where a rather toolish "scat cat" comes to visit, and steals mels affections from jack. it also features a pretty creepy cool trio of singers, laurie berkner singing about a doomed cat.. you get my point. it is this specific episode which they equate to "noggin." thank God, Buddha, and Allah for tivo.

gookah or nai nai= milk in a sippy cup. don't even ask me where this one came from. it's a wonder we knew what they were talking about in the first place. nai is chinese for milk.

hot tea= anything in a mug, but in their world, hot tea is also ice cold herbal tea which we give them so they can pretend they are drinking hot tea like their daddy-ah. they ceremoniously blow into the "hot" tea, blowing it to cool it.

mommy-moo or mommy moe= this is a rather endearing term they created just to melt my heart every time they say it....i think it's their way to get me to pick them up when they are screaming in the middle of the night. otherwise, my sleep addled brain would just ignore them and let them cry it out. it's darwinism at it's finest.

apple= any round fruit, regardless of color, religion, or creed.

blue= any color.. ie when asked what color that red apple is, their reply will be blue, without fail. fortunately they always get the color of the daytime sky right.

mum mums= food- dinnertime, lunch time, breakfast... cultivate by us. i guess it's one of those chinglish terms which parents use with their babies. it's not mine, more my mothers.

dah doo= thank you.. that's a good one. very cute.

just as an aside, here are a few words from my childhood chinglish dictionary-

popcorn= all types of cereal. don't ask me what popcorn was called.

miu see= chinese direct translation for cat shit= puffy and crunchy cheese doodles.

a favored snack by my brother, sister, and i- in our childhood. if you think about it, crunchy cheese doodles do look like cat shit. my brother has even created a cheese doodle review on his blog which is rated by cat shits instead of stars... (see here)

poo poo= grandmother. our back country dialect actually refers to the grandmother on the maternal side as poo poo. that's why shit, in our house is called doo doo. you can imagine the strange stares we get when we ask for "happy birthday poo poo" to be inscribed on the birthday cake, and even at the well heeled tiffany's when POO POO was to be permanently engraved on a sterling silver heart... they never quite ask, but i can see the hesitation in their eyes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY AND PEARL

2008-11-08T14:26:00.007-05:00

your birthday was last week, and this is belated, but i've been writing this letter to you both for two years, and quite possibly my whole life.

you two came as a surprise to me... first shocking, then scary, then it was all i could wish for and dream of...two baby girls. two for the price of one. identical twins, both tiny, needy and completely dependent.

your father and i look at you both and wonder, "is this real.. are they both really here? can you believe we have 2?" every night we look at each other, and marvel..."they are so amazing, aren't they?"

at age two, you are far from identical. there are the physical differences which betray your genetic similarities. lily, you are slightly taller, and outweigh pearl by a 1lb or so. your face is rounder, you've got dimples. pearl... you are my peanut. skinny, petite, fine pixie features.

but lily, you are my sun, and my heart. you brighten everyone's day. you smile, flirt, bat your eyes, and with all your two years of wisdom, you take life as a lark...innocent(so you want us to believe) with good-natured mischief. you get yourself in trouble, and you show your beguiling smile to escape punishment. we can't help but turn our heads and hide our laughs.

pearl is my moon, and my old soul. mercurial, curious but so shy. you run at the world trying to figure out everything and everyone, analyzing, probing, and when someone addresses you in return, you hide your wide eyes behind your bangs, shrinking to my side...if you don't see them, they don't see you. it's so endearing, and sweet, and i want to scoop you up and protect you forever.

lily, you enchant everyone.
pearl, you captivate the individual.. whoever is your favored of the day.

pearl, you are forgiving,
lily, you are thoughtful, and helpful.

you both are trouble makers. one jumps off the bridge, and the other dutifully follows.

you both love deeply already, at your young age of two. and you are beloved by everyone who knows you.

you are lily and pearl.. inseparable, special because you are a pair, but special because you are unique. i look forward to discovering who you will both become.

CATCH UP

2008-10-26T20:36:00.007-04:00

time is flying by at the speed of light.

in the past month, as a family, we have flown over 12,ooo miles. ny to rome, rome to toulousse, toulousse to rome, rome to ny . this last leg was an excruciating 10 hour flight where the girls slept exactly 1 hour of the entire 10 hour flight.. you can imagine what the other 9 hours were like!

i really think the mind heals itself... it files those dreadful memories, pain, and things that scar in little happy places in your brain. otherwise women would never give birth more than once.. or in our case, we would never fly again....ever. i mean it. if this weren't the case, we would sit at home starring at one another, and someone would come along and offer us a full boat paid vacation to bora bora, and we'd say.. here! hold this knife, and i'll run into it, full speed, that's what i'd prefer to do, rather than get on a plane and take your "trip of a lifetime." i would rather be impaled by a utensil.

but our dreaded memories were "filed away" and we got on another plane.. this time, ny to madison wisconsin, and back again. this time around, we did it right. direct flight. 2 hour limit. lily and pearls addiction to dvd's and tv finely cultivated, so the laptop we brought was put to good use.

why madison, you might ask? i am interviewing for a job there.. yes, that's right. we are considering moving to a place where it snowed 110" last winter, and there is no actual beach that touches a real ocean. it's the land of cows, corn, and cold. another time zone in fact. i've never lived anywhere but eastern.. it'd be like some bizarro world. nothing quite wrong, but not quite right either.

and lastly... we're coming to a big day.. the girls' second birthday is next sunday. i'm so happy to have made it to this milestone. the girls are finally starting to find their words. they talk all the time, and sometimes in understandable sentences (albeit only 3 words long..."let's go outside!, i want cow!!, and finally "love you mommy!!!")

they are turning into artists. they sit for minutes (did you think i'd say hours!!) with their colored pencils, and crayons creating masterpieces fit for professional framing. they have their own little personalities. lily is so cunning.. always smiling when she knows she's in trouble. she knows she's cute, and she uses it for evil. and pearl.. my little girl. so sweet and smart.. almost analytical.

for the big day, we plan on cooking a big dinner for our immediate family. i'm going to attempt to bake a 2 layer old fashioned cake, which will hopefully become a tradition. before we get to that, we have our first official halloween, complete with trick or treat, which sounds like, "tick or teet." today we went to a halloween petting zoo/ pony ride /magic show/ hayride at my sister's country club where i had to bribe the girls with cookies to get them into their old navy lady bug and butterfly costumes. this week, we'll force them to watch IT'S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN. and i'm quite sure they won't get that but hopefully this will become tradition as well.

for birthday presents, i have purchased the biggest, i mean biggest plastic kitchen that exists, and wonder what i'll have to do to offset my carbon footprint with that buy. they have also developed a love of "hot tea".. (the apples don't fall far) so they'll be getting a tea set which is made completely from recycled milk jugs(no carbon to work off there.) also, cow puzzle (they fell in love with cows in france), electric guitar (they love music), and a speak and spell (old school made new.) for a person who doesn't really believe in presents, who is unemployed at present, and believes buying second hand toys are always the best option, i've really gone for it this year.

i'm really looking forward to this birthday, since this year, they'll finally get it, (kind of.) do any of you remember your second birthday???

well, at least they'll enjoy the presents and the cake.

BUSY LIVING LIFE

2008-09-20T22:54:00.004-04:00

i have been slow to post these days, even though i'm living the life of leisure, staying home, and not working a conventional 9-5 job. the girls have kept me busy, and i've never been happier. it's wonderful to wake up (albeit early) in the morning, and see their faces, and watch them slowly(some may say quickly) grow minute by minute.

i realized that pearl girl is quite a reasonable little person. at night when she wakes up screaming i go in, pick her up and explain that it's late at night, she's a big girl, and i'm going to put her back to bed. she usually will answer, "yeah, yeah" in her soft sweet voice, and sure enough, i put her back and she doesn't utter another peep.

lily on the other hand is by far the more emotional person. easy to fly off, tempers raging at the drop of a binky. but she really is the cuddliest baby that ever existed. she's passionate. it's obvious.

both girls such a ridiculous blend of bc3 and myself.

they certainly love life. they are adventurous, crazy, fun, and loud (which many times gets us all into trouble.) they have the best personalities already and are loved by most who meet them!

here's a couple of pics that i took, where i felt that their unique personalities really showed through.. enjoy! you'll be shocked by how big they've gotten.

pearl with her silly faces....
lily speeding by.....
pearl, very purposefully "shopping" for produce....
lily, already a fashionista... wearing mom's shoes. and the girl can walk.
pearl.. scheduling a business meeting, writing an email, and basically multi-tasking.

TODAY I......

2008-09-03T17:32:00.002-04:00

1) gave up the will to parent. just for a little bit. about 2 hours i'd say. it was peculiar because it was in the morning, when i'm usually fresh, and ready to take on the twins, and especially today because this was my morning to sleep in (bc3 and i alternate, every other day. it's a nice system.) but they weren't cooperating with me.. and bc3 would swoop in like mary poppins and cheer them up instantly. it was demoralizing. it just wasn't my morning.

2) finally finished a freelance project i'm doing for a certain mega baby store. it was quite a chore especially since bc3 and i were working on it together. let's just say we won't be opening up our own business anytime soon. sometimes we rub each other the wrong way. guess i need to be finding myself a job pretty soon, one month at home around each other 24/7 is not always the easiest. don't get me wrong, this weekend we mended our back deck together, and we were all like, "we're awesome, we work so well together!! we can build decks for a living!!"

3) finally trimmed the 8 foot high bushes in front of my house(while the girls were napping.) they are supposed to be "egg" shaped but started to resemble maybe a chicken instead. we'd left it for dead for at least the last 6 months, and it has made several appearances in my nightmares. the one where my neighbors all start coming around and telling us that we're bringing down the property value of the neighborhood because of our poor landscaping practices. see, we're the only, and i do mean only house on the block which doesn't employ jose montes to keep up appearances. i don't know why we remain so stalwart. maybe because i'm cheap, maybe i figure my black thumb might eventually go gangrene and fall off, and then i would finally be able to keep a prize worthy garden.... i think it's the cheapness.

4) met a mom down my block, while my girls accosted her poor son for his cheez-its. they were like paupers begging for scraps. that's us.. we just walk the neighborhood looking for new friends, and the snacks they come with.

5) checked out at 5:45.. prime time witching hour for the girls.. the time right before dinner, and then bed, when they've just about had it and i have too, to write this blog post. they are screaming bloody murder as we speak. lily's learned a new trick which she is performing right now.. the one where she jams her hand down her throat so far she makes herself gag and vomit. it's a good one, fun times for us all.

mom needs a glass of wine tonight.. maybe a bottle.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2008-08-23T22:32:00.005-04:00

so i've been toying around with the idea of starting a new and different blog. i'm passionate about being a mom, but i'm also passionate about food! i don't want to call it or myself a foodie, because i think the term is thrown around too much.. but the fact is, i really love food.

food is so visceral. everytime i think of a meal it brings back a certain, clear as crystal memory or even an emotion for me. i also have a more personal reason to write about food. as i start to raise the girls, i want them to have the same food memories that i had from my childhood. no matter what evening it was, my mom would always come home, and prepare at least 2 dishes for the family, and how my grandmother would welcome us home with a bowl of sausage fried rice. i remember whole chickens air drying/ hanging from twine on the cabinet nobs, and i remember how embarrassed i'd be when a friend would come over after school, and see said chicken hanging! i remember how i'd bring fresh fried shrimp chips to school instead of wise potato chips. i remember spare ribs, the hated(now loved) bitter melon, the winter melon soups, home grown tomatoes with sugar on top. i could go on for days (thus the need for a blog)

we all had our loves and hates. just recently, my mom cooked this pork dish, and she said she used to cook it for us as babies! i had no idea, i thought that was so cool! she said specifically that she had cooked it for lily and pearl. i want to retain my food heritage. i want to feed my girls' memories with home cooked meals rather than a bag of frozen dumplings (which are still really good in a bind!) they are voracious and adventurous eaters as well. i want to take ample advantage of that amazing gift.

i've also eaten my way through many countries.. heck i'll even plan a vacation around what's to eat. my job has always allowed me to travel far and wide. i've had the best chowan mushi in hong kong (it's where i first discovered this delicate custard.) chow'd my way around thailand with my eating buddy reiko- durian anyone? the fruit so stinky it is banned from many hotels in bangkok! kimchee in korea...rabbit sausage on the shore of paros, greece... pizza by the pound in rome... sea urchin in san francisco, cracked fresh and served in it's thorny shell...real jerk off a banana leaf stoked fire in jamaica.. the special fish in my native new york, at blue ribbon sushi... they first serve it to you raw, then they take the head and bones, deep fry it, and serve it to you again. you pick all the tasty morsels off and eat the bones.....and the infamous burger in london which put me in the hospital!

my good friend sandy says of me, "she'd try shit once, and if she didn't like it, she'd try it again, just to make sure."

bc3, the girls and i are are planning a trip of a lifetime to france. the region we are going to is officially the "midipyrenees," but guess what.. it's also the capital of the foie gras producing world!!! how freakin' excited am i? let's see, take a goose or a duck, fatten it up in the last 2 weeks of it's life, kill it, then lightly pan sear, and feed me the liver. now that's my idea of a good time...sign me up! also known for amagnac, famous white garlic, cassoulet beans, and of course.. red wine. let's not forget the cheese. roquefort to be specific. not just any roquefort. THE(long e) ROQUEFORT. the kind that is only deemed roquefort when it has been aged in the natural combalou caves of roquefort-sur-soulzon. now, i don't actually like any kind of overly moldy cheese, because the thought of eating it can't get past my brain and allow it to touch my tongue, but for THE(long e) ROQUEFORT, i will get over it, and eat the hell out of that moldy, stinky cheese. and i guess along the way, we'll see a few castles, some chateaux, a river, maybe the mediterranean...blah, blah, blah!

i think this trip is the perfect time for me to start my new food blog. i'll attempt to document every meal i eat, via photograph or journal entry... whether extraordinary or mundane. so stay tuned! title of food blog, as yet undecided.. and maybe i'll get some much needed inspiration in france.

i'm hoping the process will feed both my body and my soul.

MY OLYMPIC DREAM

2008-08-13T22:25:00.002-04:00

i have this plan, since i'm obsessed with the olympics, that the girls will be synchronized divers... any platform- 3m spring board, 10 m platform.. whichever. they are gonna climb up that ladder and i will push them off if i have to. yup.. that's the kind of mom i'm gonna be.. that's the way i roll.

at night, we cuddle up, and watch the olympics, and they are as fascinated as i am. one dive after another, and they are screaming, "mo, mo!! mo, mo!" (more, more translated from baby talk.) they LOVE it.

so let's see.. they are nearing 2 years..minimum age for diving is 14... so summer of 2020, it'll be raining gold for lily and pearl.

how cute will that be.. identical twin divers. we'll also be available for carnivals, and circus side shows.

NAUSEA AND ELATION AND EXCREMENT

2008-07-30T22:00:00.004-04:00

it's physically like being on a roller coaster after you've gone down the first serious drop. you don't know whether to vomit, laugh your head off, or shit your pants. many times you do all three at the same time.

this is exactly how i feel at this very moment.

many of my loyal(er) readers know that as of tomorrow, july 31st, i am out of a job. i won't go into further details of how this job was lost, because if some people(my mother) knew the whole truth, some people(my mother) would not be very happy with me. those people would lecture me about the fact that i have a mortgage to pay, and 2 children to feed, and the "electricity" to keep on, and would change my feelings of freedom and elation into the nausea and the stomach cramps i am trying to keep suppressed.

i also signed some very formal legal document that says "release from all claims" blah blah "confidentiality" blah blah "good will and nondisparagement" blah blah blah... like whatever man! is nondisparagement even a word??? wait.. maybe i'm being disparaging by writing that.

anyway, i am trying to enjoy the fact that i have nothing to do tomorrow but scrape the mac and cheese off lily's heiny after she hides it in her high chair and squashes it into her pants. and even though i don't have to wake up at 730am to get to work, i probably will be awake anyway because those 2 creatures i call my spawn will wake up at some ungodly hour like 4am! CAN'T A GIRL ENJOY HER FREEDOM FOR ONE DAMN DAY!

if you would like to know the real story behind this rather bizarre post, please email me...

and for God sakes if you know the whole story already.. please don't tell my mom. i know she doesn't read this blog because she still writes her "yee mails" IN ALL CAPS, and doesn't understand that she sounds like she's shouting, and if i said blog to her, she'd make a face as if i just asked her to launch a nuclear missile from her cell phone.

THE BEST THING ABOUT SUMMER

2008-07-13T22:53:00.009-04:00

i love the beach... my girls must love the beach. so far, lily is a bona fide surfer girl. pearl is your grandmother who just sits on the boardwalk watching you play in the sand. she carries a cardigan just in case she gets a chill, it's cold by the water, don't you know!!

i spent the weekend moving furniture, cleaning up after last weekends painting and carpeting extravaganza.. when we actually paid someone to turn my house inside out, tear out it's innards and put nice new ones right back in . it was a cleansing experience to say the least, cleansing like a colonic...

not 2 hours after the carpet went down in pearl's room did a dog pee on it. i say A dog, and not my dog, because i can't be 100% sure it was toby.. there were 2 dogs in the room at the time... a certain dog named sacha... i'm 99% sure it was toby, but without concrete video evidence, dna confirmation and corroborating witnesses, i can not say without reasonable doubt. so we'll just call this crime "unsolved." nothing a little natures miracle can't solve.. thank you very much, judy!!

tired and weary from dusting and moving furniture, we needed a boost. so we threw together an impromptu beach picnic thanks in part to whole foods and tobay beach. complete with bbq, smores, and summer punch... a good time was had by all! it's like we just fell out of some brochure for long island tourism!

pearl- you'd never know, but in those cheeks, she's storing 2 bbq chicken legs(bones and all), 3 pickles and a marshmallow. this kid can pack it away.
lily's first mallow!

reenacting the opening credits to beverly hills 90210.

THERE IS A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL.....

2008-07-08T21:30:00.005-04:00

i have been racking my brains for 2 days on how to blog this....what happened to my family on monday night. all i can do is write this letter.

to the "man" who was dining at harbor q in port washington, ny on monday night-

YOU didn't want YOUr meal to be disturbed by my girls' crying.

YOU, YOU mother f-cker and YOUr harpy of a wife decided to come over to our table, and rudely tell us that our children were too loud. "we don't need to hear this noise. shut your kids up or go home." "if you can't control your kids, you need to leave." those are the hateful words that YOU spoke to us.

YOU attacked me, lunged at me, called me a f-cking bitch, and chased me through the restaurant, and back to my table, after i dared to confront YOU, after YOU were so rude and nasty to my family.

YOU had evil behind your eyes, foaming at the mouth like an animal.

did YOU realize that i was holding my daughter at the time. were YOU really going to hit a mother while she held her crying daughter?...YOU f-cking coward.

YOU needed to be held back by 3 grown men. i know if they weren't there, YOUr fist would have connected with some part of my body. i only wish.. YOU would be rotting in jail right now.

i have 20 month old babies who misbehave, what's YOUr excuse??

YOU are a waste of human life...YOU should be ashamed of YOUrself. i do not know how YOU look at your disgusting face in the morning.. YOU probably think your behavior was justified, don't YOU?

my children were crying, they weren't behaving perfectly....THEY ARE BABIES! how did YOU expect them to be?

YOU probably beat your wife when she doesn't arrange all the towels properly, and i can't even begin to sympathize enough for YOUr poor daughter, who witnessed YOUr appalling behavior. how embarrassing to have a father like YOU! a poor excuse for a human being.

karma is a bitch... YOU will get YOUrs...tenfold.

ROT IN HELL, AND DO IT SOON......take YOUr harpy wife with YOU.

MY NEW HERO

2008-06-24T21:40:00.003-04:00

i saw this over at metrodad.. it made me so happy that i had to link it to my blog.

what an inspiration! when i see normal people like this guy matt doing extraordinary things, it really makes me think about what life is all about. he won't say what his message or the reason why he makes these videos, but it's clear to me what he's saying.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008) from Matthew Harding on Vimeo.

LITTLE GIRL.....DON'T

2008-06-23T22:21:00.006-04:00

you dare say NO to me.
come over here right now so i can change your diaper.
do you think i enjoy cleaning other people's crap?
i have to because i am your mother.
i am not being paid.
you couldn't even pay me enough to do this job.

only the fear of children's services coming to take you away, compels me to change that disaster area.
that, and "societal dictums" that children should be clean, and not run around naked from the waist down.
we don't want to be the smelly children at playgroup..do we?

i would usually pawn it off on your grandmother, but she's not here is she?
it's just you and me, so get your stinky butt over here!!

"NO!" you say?.. you dare to say, "NO!"

the governor has declared a state of emergency in 2 counties-urass, and heiny town.
the national guard and army troops are at our doorstep as we speak with hazmat suits, gas masks, and sand bags.
they will not be delicate with "warmed wipes" and "diaper rash cream."

you are nearly 20 months old, to be precise 603 days old.
you have had your diaper changed no less than 7 times per day, every single day.
thats at least, AT LEAST 4221 crap and pee filled diapers in your lifetime...and counting!
do you know what i could have bought with 8000 diapers worth of money?
that mulberry bag i've always dreamed of??...those marni shoes????

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.. what the hell did you eat last night??

ENOUGH!
you know the drill.
DO NOT thrash your legs at me.
DO NOT twist and turn as if you were a fish dropped in hot oil!
DO NOT run away from me.
DO NOT put your fingers there! that is disgusting! i will vomit.
DO NOT say "NO" to me.

PLEASE, i beg you.
lay still, and be the good little girl i always imagined you would be.
just for this brief moment.
this hurts me more than it hurts you.
let's just get this over with and
you can return to the

systematic

destruction

of my living room.

THE COOLEST THING

2008-06-11T23:23:00.005-04:00

i just figured out this awesome setting on my camera.. you can take pictures and "stitch" them together to get a great panoramic shot. i know most of you have this figured out already...and must think me a simpleton.. and all i can say to you people is, "f u for not passing on your goodly knowledge to a fellow human being... may you burn in hades!"

this is my chaotic living room.. i don't have 3 children.. it's pearl running at the speed of light.

GENERATION XXX

2008-06-06T21:55:00.010-04:00

since my girls have recently turned into wild animals, and my nephew rarely eats more than 2 m&m's, and an animal cracker per day, my sister and i decided to take the kids to burger king for dinner, where they could run around in the fenced in playland, screech and scream to their hearts content. seriously.. friday nights which were usually reserved for, at least, the french bistro in town are now relegated to the picnic tables by the kiddie play land. shoes are optional.
pomme frites are now substituted by the bk "fry pod," steak au poivre swapped out for a whopper junior. i'll stop lamenting eventually and except my current fate, since our culinary misadventures is not what this post is about.

when we entered the "dining (romper) room," there were a group of boys. couldn't have been older than 14. strange, i thought, that these teens would be eating in the kiddie playland...but i ignored, and watched the girls and ryan play on the slides. i'm not entirely old, and i definitely remember what it was like to be that age, so i dismissed the cursing, the annoying behavior, the fact that one kid knocked lily over.

when two boys started wrestling at the front of the slide landing, i'd had it...i made it quite obvious that i was going in to find a manager... they hightailed it out of there.

next, the gaggle of girls filed in... flirting as the boys left. obviously they were there for that very purpose. again, i ignored the cursing...but one young "lady" said something that chilled me to the core....

"sit down", she said to her girlfriend..,."we're talking about our sex lives."

suddenly all those articles i've read in teen vogue about rainbow parties, pharm parties, and teen sex were sitting right in front of me, in the flesh, at the local burger king. they talked about getting wasted, hooking up.. which i'm sure means much more than my antiquated version of the phrase.

WHAT THE WHAT?!!!!! SEX LIVES!??! YOU ARE 14. YOU ARE NOT CARRIE, MIRANDA, SAMANTHA, AND CHARLOTTE. IF I KNEW WHO YOUR MOTHER WAS, I'D PULL HER UP OFF HER ASS, SLAP THE WHISKEY OUT OF HER LEFT HAND, FLICK THE MARLBORO MENTHOL LIGHT OUT OF HER RIGHT, AND SHAKE SOME SENSE INTO HER!! YOU PROBABLY HAVE THE CLAP... ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE "HOOKING UP" WITH THE LIKES OF THOSE MISCREANTS WHO JUST LEFT HERE TO GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC! HOPEFULLY THERE IS SOME PENICILLIN IN THAT BIG BOWL OF PILLS! TAKE AN EXTRA DOSE.. YOU'LL NEED IT!

my sister and i swore... we said at least one of the three would have to be sacrificed, and raised as "the nerd." this "one" would narc out the other two if they were ever spotted carrying on, hooking up, or acting a fool....

as we packed up...a group of very sweet soccer girls popped in, probably 9-10 years old. they asked after the girls.."are they twins?" "they're so cute!!".. one girl even opened and held the door for us...

i thought, now finally, some nice girls. i searched the dining room for their parents... they sat together at one end, watching their kids play... i made a mental note and thought..

PLEASE, I BEG YOU!...DO NOT MAKE ME COME LOOKING FOR YOU IN 4 YEARS!

JAMAICA MAY 2008

2008-05-22T21:47:00.007-04:00

pictures are self explanatory... more to come on this vacation of extremes.

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- DANCE PARTY REVISITED

2008-05-06T23:06:00.004-04:00

the girls beg me.. mama, please don't stop the music. they've got the beat in their feet, unlike their mom with 2 left ones. so they plead.. pick me up, dance with me.

guess what? mama's tired, and she'll be passed out on the couch making out with a nice glass of chardonnay. how do i get out of this... oh, i know! i refer to an old favorite proverb which never fails me.

give a man a fish, he eats for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll eat forever....

there are two of them. i teach them to dance with each other!

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- CRAZY PEARL JURL

2008-05-04T10:26:00.003-04:00

no explanation needed.. my crazy little girl.

REAL GENIUS

2008-04-30T21:35:00.003-04:00

pearl says "no!" and quite politely, "thank you!"

she knows who her "poo poo" is...(grandma in chinese)

and she says the word, "gato"... (cat in spanish) when the neighborhood stray comes around.

she is officially tri lingual. a world away from my previous post about her lack of words...

amazing where 3 weeks will take you.

PIXIE STICKS AND CHINESE FIRE DRILLS

2008-04-15T20:23:00.003-04:00

aunt sandy and uncle mike are taking the girls this saturday.. taking them to the zoo, taking them to outerspace.. i don't care. all i know is they offered and i accepted. if the homeless can man from the supermarket offered to take the girls off my hands for just an hour, i might consider it. a baby free day for bc3 and i, to sleep!! who would've thunk it. such a luxury these delirious, dream deprived days.

so, IF lily and pearl could talk.. this is what the conversation would sound like..saturday night, after they got back from their day with aunt sandy and uncle mike....

"mama, mama, mama... we ate pixie sticks"
"dada, dada... look at my lolipop! it's bigger than pearlies head!"
"i threw up!"
"the gum stuck to my hair, she tried peanut butter but it didn't work.."
"then she said fuck it.. get me the scissors..."
"what does that mean mommy?"
"we ran around for hours.."
"i think i have diaper rash!"
"dada, what's a douche bag?"
"we played ring and run."
"and we had a chinese fire drill."
"we lost pearlie at the mall!"
"i cried when the police man came for me!"
"but then we went back to get her.."
"aunt sandy told them not to call children's services."

"we love aunt sandy and uncle mike!!"

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- LILY AND UNCLE MIKE

2008-04-10T21:19:00.006-04:00

as requested..

MOM'S THE WORD

2008-04-07T16:11:00.008-04:00

so i realized i have not posted in a while... the problem? the girls have nothing to say. literally.

we are at an impasse. they are striking. we have not gotten past the very frequently used, and ubiquitous, "NO!" i've gotten a very special (ie. short bus- sorry if that offends!) "NICE!" pearl said mama for 1 day, then never was it to pass her lips again.

that's it!!

i'm thinking of having them tested. i know everyone's been telling me to be patient, to wait. that twins take longer, they have their own special language. and they understand perfectly what we say, so communication currently is a one way street.. but seriously, enough's enough. they are 17 months and i expect, no, i demand, even a simple "ba ba!"
an "i love you so much, mom!",
maybe "you are the center of my world, mother!" ,
or perhaps the very easy, "i miss you every second of the day while you are gone at work, and you are my favorite person in the whole world!!"

it's not so much to ask.

i could blog AGAIN about the disasterous meal we had with them at a local french restaurant. i could write about poop, peeing, any manner of bodily functions.. but we've all been there, and we'll go there again eventually. i could tell you about the fabulous vacation we're going to take where they provide you with a vacation nanny!! yes, you heard me right! a vacation nanny! (don't be jealous of our posh lifestyle!) but this does not a full blog post make!

so until they speak, i have nothing else to say. until then, i can not report of the adorable things that lily and pearl blurted out inappropriately at the grocery store check out... until then, i strike too. i'll post photo's, maybe even a video... but no more stories until they end this verbal blackout.

blame them... don't come crying to me.

AN ODE......

2008-03-19T21:59:00.006-04:00

tonight,
i walk in the door and rush in to scoop up the munchkins.
pearl leaps into my arms, and we snuggle on the couch.
i lay back, and she sits on my belly,
she giggles.
lily walks over, her sweet little toddle.
in her hand she holds...
what?
she hands me...
a kibble,
dog food?
no.
not dog food.
in slow motion, my eyes come into focus on what my dear daughter has just given me.
i gasp, and scream in horror.
a little
perfect
round
pebble
of
poop.
baby poop.
in my hand i held it for no more than 3 seconds.
but it's cold texture is forever seared into my fingertips,
as the memory is seared into my brain.
tomorrow,
i might have to amputate.

AS BIG AS SEVEN SAMURAI

2008-03-16T23:25:00.007-04:00

ok, i love this. bc3 and i have been cleaning house... picking and sorting through everything, deeming trash vs treasure and filing all the good things away. i came across one of my favorite little kimono tees that was given to the girls by a close friend. so sweet, organic egyptian cotton. lily girl is wearing it in the picture below. the are both sitting together in a boppy... together in a boppy. that's how small they were. so those of you who don't know how small a boppy is, check the second picture of the little striped top. amazing, really. they were so small, so little, but the funny thing is, i never felt that they were fragile...

taken 12 days after l&p were born.

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- SIMPLY TITLED, "NO!"

2008-03-03T21:09:00.003-05:00

wait.. i'm not clear, lily. you don't want to give mama a kiss? hold on a sec...are you sure you don't want to high five. lily, my dear, you really have to learn to speak your mind. you have to say what you mean, and mean what you say!

and pearl.. are you trying to tell me that you want me to read that book? geez, i can't read your mind!!

JUST ONE MORE

2008-03-02T16:51:00.003-05:00

because they are so damn cute.. and i know they are mine, and i have to say that, but really, they are...

SERIOUSLY..... COME ON,

2008-02-26T21:03:00.007-05:00

how friggin' cut are these girlies? went to cousin mona's fiftieth surprise birthday party this past weekend. the girls were like paris and lindsay, and the paparazzi had their cameras flashing. cousin mary took these amazing photos of them. hair in coconut tree style...dressed in their very best.

enjoy!

SLIDESHOW BOB

2008-02-23T11:27:00.005-05:00

hey peeps! i spent most of this morning ignoring my children to add a slideshow to my blog with pictures of my children... if someone can tell me how to put it on the side bar without cutting off said children's heads, you win a free diaper change!

but for now, it's at the bottom of my blog.. all the way down below. you might miss it if you don't look.. and i'll update it often with lots of new pics...promise.. double pinkie promise!

go ahead.. you know you want to look! i bet your mom would!

A LIFETIME OF THERAPY

2008-02-16T21:21:00.003-05:00

so mommy/daddy blogs are rampant on the internet these days. we all document every thought, idea, and moment of our child rearing days, with humor, truth, hell damn near brutal honesty. i won't pick on other parenting blogs (i read lots of them, and there are plenty of posts to demonstrate my point.. which is coming,) and only refer to my own...but i have on occasion refered to my children as "bung holes" "beef and brocolli" "the other one."

not all flattering, no. but there's tons of good here, too! but that won't matter.

you ask what i'm getting at? what the hell am i going to do when l&p get old enough to read this. do i hide it?.. pretend it doesn't exist? quit all together? or worse yet, erase all evidence of my hypercritical nitpicking of their entire existance?

remember when you were a kid (and you might not, since there were no such things as blogs in our day to document every move) and you heard your mom talking on the phone about you. wouldn't you linger so you could hear every word? kids are curious beings..they want to be everywhere, they pick up on every nuance. weren't you also pretty embarrassed when mom would brag about your 9th place math olympics ribbon to the old bitty neighbor down the block..

i remember when i was, i'd say, just around 4 years old. my parents decided it was a fine time to teach me how to use chopsticks. i had my own special pair, and i still remember them to this day. they were black lacquer, pointy, shorter than most, with flowers painted on the ends. so pretty, i loved to play with them. but as my parents handed them to me, and i tried to use them, my mini 4 year old hands fumbled them, and food went flying. i remember everyone laughing. they thought it was so funny.. and i started to cry. now yes, i might have been more sensitive than most, but i was traumatized for quite a while, and can't tell you when i picked them up again.

now imagine i kept this memory for all these years, and how it stayed with me. like i said, most people(i) can't remember what they(i) did last week, let along 28 years ago. but here i have jotted down my little bon mots, entertaining my friends and family at l&p's expense. all these little memories, which would have been otherwise forgotten.

i'm on to something here, aren't i? imagine if you remember everything little humiliating thing that happen to you as a little kid... the crying through the night, falling off your bike for the first time, pooping in the tub and having your uncle take a picture of it, and posting it on his blog, or perhaps peeing through your school uniform while sitting at your desk because that f-ing beeyotch of a teacher wouldn't believe that you really had to go!! if you did, you might not get out of bed in the morning. (i do find it tough some days!)

are we going to turn our kids in to self conscious, nuerotic basket cases? they'll think everything they do will be posted, and relived ad nauseum, immortalized on the internets, forever. there's something unnatural about this blogging phenomenon, no?? the desire to share all our thoughts with anyone who stumbles across them. what are the ramefications, really? i'm sure some social anthropologist will do some in depth study soon.. the blogging generations first born will be, and are probably already reading right about now.

don't worry.. i'm not saying i'm stopping... i'll just have to start some ira for l&p's therapy.. like, yesterday.

A STATE OF THE UNION- 15 MONTHS

2008-02-07T10:42:00.000-05:00

quick post today to post the stats....

lily= 23lbs 5oz, 31 1/2" tall
pearl= 21lbs 14oz, 31" tall....

lily's first word said with purpose= NO!! (in answer to everything) and YEAH!! (said joyfully)
pearl= NAH!! (which is her version of no, also in answer to everything)

here's an example of a typical conversation..

lily, do you want bananas.....no! no!
lily, can you give mama a kiss......no!
lily, can i change your disgusting poopy diaper.......no!
lily, can mama hug you....no!
lily, should we love you, and hug you, and feed you, and keep you warm forever....NO! NO! NO!!!

she's very charming, that lily girl!

and pearly... please, i don't want to read you "don't let the pigeon drive the bus!" for the 10th time again..really. enough.

WONDER WEEKS

2008-01-27T20:55:00.001-05:00

we're almost at the 15 month mark.. l & p are gainfully employed as full time babies. that's their day job. their night jobs go back and forth from blissfully sleeping to strung out crack heads who keep us up all hours of the night. this week they're in a blissful state. last week...crack fiends. they've always been angels who slept through the night...times have changed.

but i read about a book called wonder weeks. (i didn't say i read it.. only about it. who has the time to read?) it describes specific weeks in a child's growth as extra trying, extra fussy.

"These fussy times have been called the 'Wonder weeks' by some writers, because it is during these more difficult weeks that babies are making big steps forward in their development."

i love this theory...it explains exactly why l & p have their good weeks and bad ones. it also explains the boon in fun and interesting things they've been doing lately. it's like overnight, they became intellectuals. they can sit for minutes at a time just flipping through books.. these same books which have teeth marks and shredded pages, as formerly their only interest was to shove them in their mouths. we have a large pink piggy bank with fake plastic coins...coins which again, where just used and abused, but never put in their proper slot.. now jackpot, overnight, they are both pro's at saving money...(will post a video of this soon)

so many things...pearl can attempt a kiss when she feels in a generous mood. lily can hold hands while walking now. pearl will poke the table, and point at the pictures on the wall, when we ask her where they are.. how freakin amazing is that!!

they find and push the buttons on their glow worms in the dark(we'll hear spontaneous mozart at random times in the night)
they bring us their shoes, and other items when we ask them to!
they feed themselves with spoons!

HIGH FIVES ABOUND!!! high fives anytime i want them. no limit... as many as i want.

i mean i find all this so damn mind blowing.. these babies were created from the genes of bc3, and myself... and guess what?? they're learning. and we're teaching them. i mean i know these are all small steps, and of course for all you jaded, old pro parents out there.. these are no big deals, just par for the course. but bc3 and i are first time parents, and any blip on the screen is a major milestone for us.

i feel how those scientists must feel... the ones who train the chimps to talk, using sign language? i mean, i'm not comparing them to apes or anything (am i?) but seriously... bc3 and i are not half bad at this parenting business, if i do say so myself...

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- DOING THE LAUNDRY

2008-01-21T20:23:00.000-05:00

i've been sad these days, downright gloomy. the only thing that seems to cheer me, while ironically at the same time get me down, is the girls. they make me happy, how could they not..they sure are sweet...the two joys in my life... the reason i wake in the morning. they get me down because the time i get with them is so limited and rushed. but i need to stop dwelling in the negative, and enjoy the time i do have with them. think the buddhist way, live in the moment, change my pattern of thinking,

this weekend we did some hard core playing. this is some video footage bc3 caught of them. mind you, he found them this way. in no way did he prop them or coach them to get into this basket. they are just that silly, all on their own.

a few things to note:
-the state of my romper (living) room.
-the chicken coop like fence which surrounds us at all times.
-this video was shot at 3pm.. they are still in their pajamas.. it was that kind of weekend.

hope this cheers you as much as it cheers me.

GOOD ON PAPER

2008-01-13T15:51:00.000-05:00

i love this term.."good on paper." that's exactly what we are.. bc3, me. i have a good job (which is exactly what i wanted to do since i was 8 years old), great pay, bc3 is a successful, and well known illustrator. dog, kids, minivan, 4 br, 2 bath house in the burbs. sounds good, right?

but i've been in turmoil for the last year and a half, trying to figure out what is right for my family, for the girls, and ultimately, selfishly, what is right for me.

one year ago, i nearly, very nearly picked up my family, and moved them all to pennsylvania..where it's summertime, and the living's easy. i was nearly lured by a big salary, cheap housing, and the prospects of a clean slate, fresh start. i didn't take the bait though. and now i think back and wonder if i just wasn't brave enough, and i should have done it. or if it doesn't really matter that i didn't because the grass is not greener on any side..

really at the end of the day, i'm not sure that i can cut it in ny..because, you see, i've traded all that i hoped for to remain here where the taxes are outrageous, i have to commute to work 2 hours daily and my mortagage!! good lord, the mortgage... i could buy a used car every single month with the money i shill out on my mortgage. and not just some shitty old ford.. i'm talking foreign, at least a toyota or a honda! it just pains me to think there is some mcmcansion out there for me, with a 2 car garage, granite countertops, and jacuzzi tub just waiting, for no more than half what i pay every month.

so everything looks fine, and then when i complain, people(mainly my mother) wonder where all the money goes. reality? i barely have 2 dimes to rub together. how can this be? maybe i'm just not as smart as i think i am. but i'll tell you one thing(because i know what you're thinking!).. i have not stepped foot in barneys in a year (well i have stepped some feet, but when they exit, they're not wearing new shoes!) and another thing.. i'm not in this boat alone. i know countless women, families, successful, good jobs, who like me, don't have those dimes to rub. why is is so hard to not even get ahead, but to just maintain? is there some strange, upper middle class financial crisis that i don't know about? i feel like i'm 21 again, living pay check to pay check, but instead of existing on ramen noodles, i can go and get some sushi from time to time..no longer am i dreaming of bmw's, just living with my modest mini van. and i've traded that roach infested railroad apartment for an average split level in a tony suburb outside of nyc. nothing's different, i've just changed zip codes, (and upgraded slightly.)

i mean i don't want to sound disingenuous either. wah, wah.. poor me.. i've got a roof over my head. wah wah, i don't have to take the bus to work (just a train, and a subway.) believe me, i know there are folks worse off than me, much worse.. i am not desolate, and i know i'm damn lucky to have what i have.. damn lucky.

but i guess i'm just asking if it's so wrong to want for more.. to be truly happy with what you do, not just do it to make money. or to live within your means, AND to dream of saving enough money to at least put your kids through the first year of a crappy state school in 18 years? AND to possibly go on a vacation from time to time without having to dip into the home equity loan?

if i get all this, is it going to make me happy? maybe, maybe not. perhaps i don't know what i really want out of life. maybe if i get everything that i want, i still won't be satisfied...i just know at some point, i need to stop asking questions, and start living some answers...

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- NEW YEARS DANCE PARTY

2007-12-30T16:38:00.000-05:00

the girls are getting ready for a rockin' new years.. they are dance crazy freaks with a specific penchant for early 90's britpop in the form of a certain band, called elastica.

but really, they're not that picky. they'll dance to their fisher price laugh and learn toys, a catchy car commercial, really anything. but it is quite funny that any song is a party for them.

in honor of our year end.. and a hope for a great 2008.. here's lily and pearl, dancing their little baby hearts out.

A VERY BLOGGY CHRISTMAS TO YOU!!

2007-12-27T16:42:00.001-05:00

ughh! christmas craziness prevents me from blogging. too much food, too much hooch, throw 2 whiny kids into the mix, and you've got some major mayhem.

but, a very merry christmas to you all...all my loyal readers! and a happy, and boozie new year(with the exception of a certain jamie lynne spears who should not be boozing it up, and that's probably what got her into trouble in the first place!!)

more on the holidays in the new year.. until then....

PEACE OUT!

BEETS AND BEANS!!!

2007-12-16T20:55:00.000-05:00

have not posted pictures recently.. and i've just taken some good ones of the little "sugar beets", as bc3 likes to call them... i prefer "silly beans."

enjoy!

ELF YOURSELF

2007-12-16T09:48:00.000-05:00

so there is this elf thing going on, on the internet.. it's totally stupid, but for some reason it has totally captivated me. i have in all, spent a good 10 minutes picking out the pics for this..
i think it's the customization of it that fascinates me.. or it's just good plain holiday spirit on the internet combined with good marketing, as afterwards they offer you a bevy of products..

ok, enjoy.

click here to watch.

DEVESTATION (SEE PREVIOUS POST)

2007-12-12T21:49:00.000-05:00

the damn writers strike, strikes again...gossip girl replaced by some stupid show "crowned." dirty sexy money... a repeat. the only thing i have to look forward to is project runway, and sleep.

BUSY NIGHT

2007-12-12T20:30:00.000-05:00

so it's a busy night.. not because of the girls though. they are soundly tucked into bed(for now) hugging their glow worms tightly.

it's busy because it's a killer tv night.

first i start off with kid nation. i usually miss this one, and am currently missing it to write this blog. but i do enjoy it from time to time, and find the whole premise fascinating, if not horribly exploitive, and inappropriate. but that never stops me from partaking in good tv. i really am waiting for them to run that little taylor out of town on a rail, and of course find out who is going to work their little asses off for that $20,000 gold star.

then comes gossip girl.. the best new show on tv. complete with rich teenagers, sex, intrigue, and beautiful people. i live for this show, and if the writers don't stop striking, i don' t know what i'll do without my gossip girl fix. after that, i can usually squeeze in a super quick shower before....

dirty, sexy, money. (do you see a theme going on here.. sex, money..there's a reason why "they" say sex sells) peter krause is awesome.. love him since six feet under, possibly even sports night! i love the shenanigans of the "darling" family.. i'm so not interested in who killed peter's dad, but rather all the intricate goings ons of this debauched family.

finally, to round out the night, comes project runway. so typical that i would watch this one, but come on...why wouldn't i. i love to critique the atrocious fashions these people come up with, and moan about the unrealistic projects that these poor souls have to accomplish with no time. the sewing in itself is insane.. no time, during my day, at my job as a fashion designer, do i pick up a needle and thread, drape a garment, or slave over a sewing machine. i love to watch heidi klum fumble over her lines, and even better, pick out the bad dubbing that is so obvious when she couldn't deliver. michael kors is always dead on with his critiques.. and tonight is even a bigger, specialier night, as i get to see my boss, patrick robinson appear as a guest judge!! what could be better!! i can't wait!

that brings me to midnight exactly, when i can finally crawl into bed, and await next wednesday to do it all over again. (unless those fucking writers are still striking...)

SANTA HATES ME!!

2007-12-08T00:25:00.001-05:00

i'm so disappointed. bc3 and i ventured into our basement today to unpack our christmas decorations. last year, we were neck deep in newborn babies so we did not deck the halls as in previous years.. but this year, with the girls a ripe old age of one, we were going to go all out..

until, we discovered that santa brought us a present early... in the form of a big bag of moldy ornaments.

the bag, chock full of our precious ornaments collected throughout the last 8 years was covered in what looked to me to be deadly mold.. black, musty pores. i tried to go through the bag, just to see what we could recover, but it just wasn't worth it. the boxes, which i so lovingly packed away two years ago were stuck together, cardboard disintegrating, moist, and yucky, baking in a semi air tight oven for two years. most of the glass ornaments jewel toned colors fading, and the glass crazing, and cracked.

my cute little snowmen, all our stockings, our handmade beaded ornaments that we made when we had no money, ben's grandmothers needlepoint pillows (which he's trying to bleach, and wash) every ornament i remember buying...

BAHHH!! I'M SO PISSED OFF! and so very sad, i could cry.....

HUM BUG

2007-12-03T13:39:00.000-05:00

recently, i told my brother and sister to not buy xmas gifts for the girls. i realized the drasticness of that statement, and i ammended it...only practical xmas gifts, like pj's, socks and the like. i'm not trying to be a hum bug, but i'm really just trying to keep all the consumerism in check.

next year, they'll be begging for this doll, that laptop, and the other cellphone... what other time in their lives will a bow, a whisp of tissue paper, a box satisfy their every desire?... Never!! i would like to enjoy that level simplicity for just a little while. And....

THEY ARE ONE!!

i was talking to a friend who has a toddler. she said, as kids, her parents used to rewrap old toys, empty boxes...bricks even, and it was just all about the spirit.. the colors, the festivities and being together. they caught on eventually that the toys were last years', and that bricks weren't really fun to play with, but didn't it used to be simpler?

i am not saying the girls shouldn't have toys and material things.. because if you've been to my living room, you'll see that's not the case. they have tons to play with, and they love all their toys, but there is a point when the law of diminishing returns kicks in.. they can have all the toys in the world, but their enjoyment of them can only be so much.. and as bc3 would say, "everything else is flipus flopus."

i appreciate everything that the girls have gotten(they received tons of fun toys and generous gifts for their birthday) but i am also sensitive to the fact that people, including me, have a mortgage to pay, and gas to put in their cars. like i said, i'm not trying to be a hum bug, but i just wanted to put it out there... if you're thinking about what to buy the twins this year, don't run out to the mall- pick up the phone, call me, and we can spend the day together, have lunch, and bake cookies. it's not about quantity, it's about quality.. (my motto for everything this year...)

i would just love for the girls to grow up thinking christmas is about family, and spending time with the people they care about.. not about an american girl doll, or video game.

after all, they are just ONE!! they don't NEED anything except to be fed, clothed, cleaned, and loved. and there certainly is no shortage of love in their lives.

ASS....KICKED...WHO'S? MINE.

2007-11-23T20:30:00.000-05:00

you know that poem about girls being made of sugar and spice and everything nice?? fuck you, nursery rhyme.

pearl is made of snake venom, brakish water(where the tears come from), and pure unadulterated evil, laced together by black licorice strings.

lily is sugar and spice, and just the brakish water... combined to make a gross gruel.

today was paddy boys first birthday party... he was the charmingest host, as ever, reigning benovolently over the toddler playroom, being neither demanding, nor standoffish. the perfect host. working the room, crawling here, there, making sure his guests were comfortable.

my girls on the other hand were the worst guests. cliqueish, uninclusive, and clung to my leg as if it were a life raft and they had just jumped from the titanic. pg screamed for a good hour of the party. did you ever see the movie "the beach" with leonardo decaprio? she was the guy that got bitten by the shark.. and everyone wanted her to be put out of her misery because she was ruining all the fun. lily waffled back and forth from independance to leg hanging on, and crying. at one point, i was just sitting on the floor of the playroom, one baby on each knee, trying to keep them calm.

i had become the mother i never thought i would become. that mother....the over protective one, who couldn't leave their children alone, a helocopter, hovering.. but the problem was, i wanted to leave them. nothing would have made me happier than to deposit them in the baby safe playroom, and eat, drink and be merry, and act like an adult. pg had a full on temper tantrum.. screaming her head off, face to the carpet. what was i supposed to do? i was 5 minutes from leaving until my good friend started feeding pearl pasta,(which was meant for her own kid) which finally calmed her down. and ultimately, an energetic pair of singers called the musical moppets got them dancing and clapping, and finally out of their mother's tired arms.

i'm not that kind of mom.. i'm really not. i could care less if my kids eat wood chips at the playground. hey, if they fall, and bleed, then they'll learn for next time! what have i become.. a shadow of my former social self, at the mercy of my screaming, misbehaving children, prisoner of their shenanigans, and relegated to doting over them while all the other moms and dads eat at...a table!? how pase!

ok.. so to cut pearl a little slack, she was under napped today. only a short hour in the morning, and a quick 30 minutes on the way to the party.. and there were alot of people, and they tend to have stranger danger.

but what the hell am i doing wrong? should i be sending them to day care, or better yet, dropping them off at the nearest 7/11 so they can find their own way home? how do i nurture them to become more independant? i think, inherently with twins, its difficult. it's both a blessing and a curse. they always have each other to fall back on. and bc3 is always with them except for the short 8 hours they're at daycare each week.

i just wanted to say..."HEY, TOUGHEN THE HELL UP..LIFE GETS HARDER!!"

i guess that's a good piece of advice for myself, as well as the girls.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

2007-11-22T20:50:00.001-05:00

i have tons to be thankful for this year...the girls, bc3, family, friends... the leftovers in my fridge, and the fact that baby doll tops are still in style.

the girls had their first real thanksgiving.. last year, they were still proto babies (as mike would put it.)

pearl and lily sampled their first turkey.. and pearl...for lack of a better word, literally gobbled it up. i would put a mountain of turkey on her tray, turn around and it would be gone. they ate a whole sweet potato, corn galore, and pumpkin pie.

a flash back of exactly one year ago.. how small they were, just 20 days old.

CONVERSATION

2007-11-20T21:10:00.000-05:00

this is the conversation i had with a 6 year old boy at the children's museum today...

b: "are they twins?"
me: "yes.. identical!"
b: "i'm a twin.. the fraternal kind."
me: "wow, that's great. do you have a brother or sister?"
b: "brother... do they fight?"
me: "bite? do they bite?"
b: "no, fight?"
me: "oh, yes.. all the time."
b: " we fight, too."
me: "when do you stop fighting?" ( my meaning was, at what age do you stop fighting..)

his response...

"when my mom tells us to stop."

oh, lord...i'm really in for it.

DOUBLE DIGIT PANTS

2007-11-19T23:39:00.000-05:00

ok, seriously.. it's got to end. i have got to shed the baby weight. and at this point, 1 year later, i'm not exactly sure if this is baby weight anymore.

when "they" tell you that breastfeeding helps burn calories.. they're right. it does. i seriously wish i had never stopped. (i could be one of those moms who is still whipping out the teet when the baby is old enough to ask for it) "they" also tell you to eat more when you're breastfeeding. guess what.. i signed right up for that. pint of ice cream? it's for the girls!! extra slice of pizza?? sure, the girls gotta eat too!! problem is, when i stopped breastfeeding, i forgot to stop eating.

i have got to get myself out of double digit pants. if i can just enter the world of single digits, i will be golden. how many pairs of marc jacobs pants langor in my closet...too many!! (they're probably not even in style anymore) designer jeans that "i'll save for after the weight loss!" ridiculous!

i refuse to buy another pair of double digits... that's it. i'm putting my (hefty swollen) foot down.
i need to get back to wedding day size. (and be able to actually wear my wedding bands.)

for sure, we're done with babies. l & p are plenty enough baby for us. before i got pregnant, i pretty much let myself go. i figured, "hey, why struggle with weight loss when i'm gonna get pregnant anyway!?" during pregnancy, i thought, "let's just enjoy the fact that i can eat anything, and by the way, i'm supposed to gain weight!" well all that apathy has piled up.

enough is enough. i'm not even waiting for a new years resolution.

but..... just give me till after thanksgiving.....

A STATE OF THE UNION- 1 YEAR OLD!!!

2007-11-02T17:57:00.001-04:00

to quote madonna, "we made it through the wilderness, somehow we made it thruuu-u-ooo."

i had my doubts along the way, as far as bc3, toby, and i were concerned. i knew the girls would be fine, but would we?? and 1 year later, we're still standing, no worse for the wear. we've got extra bags under our eyes...a living room full of toys...minus one cat...plus one disgruntled dog, and of course, plus two of the best girls around.

lily now weighs a hefty 21lbs. 15 oz, 29 1/2".
pearl still slim at 19lbs 10oz. she eats like a monster, but has that fast metabolism. she didn't inherite that from bc3 and i.
no more baby mush. whole pieces of chicken, steak, fish, turkey, and veggies, spaghetti, fried rice- everything!! they love to eat..pearl more than lily for sure.
of course, they are expert walkers. it's kind of bizarre to see them toddling around. they're much too small to be walking like they do. put them in context of "the world" (when we go outside) and then it really puts it into perspective how small they really are.
no purposeful words yet.. but i do think they are doing that twin talk thing.
our gate in the living room situation is hitting critical mass.. we'll have to move to a ranch house soon.. or teach them to navigate stairs.. then it will be all over. they've learned how to push the gate open, and we find them in the kitchen with their hands in toby's water bowl, sucking on kibble. not the funnest thing to fish hook wet, macerated dog food out of your daughters mouth...
to extrapolate on the above sentiment, they still put everything in their mouths. (when does this oral fixation stage end?) in the past month, we have pulled out no less than the following: kibble, acorns, leaves, cardboard, magazine subscription cards, shoes (theirs, and ours,) keys, lint, us weekly, sticks, quarters, and more. this doesn't even speak to what we haven't caught.. i shutter to think!! you might ask yourselves, "do they actually watch these girls?" and the answer would be, "mostly." but really, they are quick. turn your head for one second to see why ellen is crying, and they've eaten the dog leash.
they are down to two naps..am, and pm.. and still sleep from 8pm to 7am.. however this daylight savings time crap is really screwing us up.. the girls were up at 6am this morning.
only 2 little teef to speak of still... and no sight of any more on the way. it's a miracle they eat all that they do.

so that's it.. the girls are one.. i really can't believe how fast time flies by. it's scary to think that soon, they'll be talking, discussing politics with ben, and the antics of britney with me... can't wait to see what the future holds.

PAPARAZZI

2007-10-31T21:03:00.000-04:00

tired as can be.. what else is new. but this was a week of photos, some of the best ever. so a post short on words, but long on cuteness..

enjoy.

LET THEM EAT CAKE!!!

2007-10-28T19:13:00.000-04:00

tonight, i am bone weary. truly tired. not pregnant tired.. that's a whole different tired, but as tired as a person could be who is not with child. again, it was a BIG weekend. the party was so much fun. the girls were troopers, and weathered the storm. they got great toys, and lots of funds for college, at least enough for junior or community college (by the time they go to school, i'm sure a year will top out at 100K)

the piece d' resistance for the party, or so i thought, was going to be their birthday cake...ala carvel. really, who doesn't like ice cream cake?? i brought it out with great mystery and flourish, leaving it in the box, and bag for the big unveiling. i pulled it out to much fan fare, revealing an ice cream cake with their darling images prominently emblazoned on top. everyone ooo'd and ahh'd with appropriate measure, marveling at their adorable portrait.

that's until i began to slice it up.. then it became a cacophony of protestations...

"NO, DON'T SLICE HER HEAD!!!"
"I DON'T WANT TO EAT PEARL'S NOSE!!"
"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO ORDER A CAKE WITH THEIR PICTURES ON IT?"

then the morbid...

"oh, i'll take lily's hands!" or...
"imagine if, when you were cutting into lily's neck, she grabbed her throat, and started to cry!!!"

then i chimed in....

"imagine if the ice cream inside were red..!?!"

come on people!! it's just cake! delicious ice cream cake!

people really didn't want to eat the pieces that had their body parts on them...as you can imagine, i have a chinese family, they are superstitious to say the least...not the best cake option when you really think about it.

anyway, next year...just a plain ol' fudgie the whale, or maybe a cookie puss??

A BUSY WEEKEND

2007-10-26T20:45:00.000-04:00

the calm before the storm... i have these brief moments tonight to write this blog. the hurricaine is coming, starting tomorrow.

the girls first birthday party. was supposed to be smallish, but decided to invite my entire family, which tops out at 25 people. i feel like my house can barely house bc3, the girls, toby and me.. so at 25 we'll be busting at the seams. this does not even include friends.. which i promise to all, that next year, i'll have the big kids party with all the little ones running around. this year, after their one month/six month party, i just couldn't do it again.

it'll be fun, chaotic, we'll have lots of food, and the girls will probably go crazy wondering who all these people are. but at the end of the day, they'll get to smash some ice cream cake, and smear it all over their faces, like it's some baby wedding.

sunday- the dedication ceremony. a "christening" in a non christ like way, and brunch before that. because i don't believe that babies are born with original sin, and thus said sin does not have to be washed away, i'm not having a catholic ceremony. we're having it a the unitarian universalist congegregation.(i know it sounds like something tom cruise would be a part of complete with alien space ships and thetons...no it's not a cult) it's really a lovely place, and i think i'm more enamored by the beauty of the location, and secondly the ideology of the "uu" appeals to me. they are inclusive of all religions..jewish, catholic, muslim, budhist, and practice more of a humanistic, moralistic teaching. i believe i am human, and moral.. so perfect, what a great fit!! no, really, i don't want the girls to grow up not believing in anything.. as i do believe in a higher power, i want to impart that belief to them as well, and eventually let them choose what they want to practice.(short of worshiping thetons, but hell if that's their choice, who am i to stand in the way.)

their god parents are aunt sandy, and yee ma (my older sister) and it took me ages to figure out that i did not need to choose 2 couples, or 4 people...when it comes to modelling good behavior, and being a spiritual compass, quality is always better than quantity any day of the week. in complete opposition to that, the godparents, in spite of me, have conspired to purchase giant gilded crucifixes, and bottles of holy water for their "non christening."

great!!.. mocking the roman catholic religion seems like a great start to their religious upbringing.

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- LOCH NESS MONSTER

2007-10-20T23:45:00.000-04:00

so it's approaching the one year mark...i can't believe how quickly it's gone. i'm going to start waxing nostalgic because i created this blog so i could always remember the every day... and i started it well into their 4th month. what about the time before, and the time before that?.. i certainly want to remember all that good (and bad) stuff too. so here's a quick (weird, and somewhat creepy) video of the moments right before lily and pearl made their first appearance.
i was very aware, even in the early days, that i wanted to document so many things that i would someday forget..i have prenatal video messages to the girl, and even bc3 begrudgingly said a few perfunctory words.

this video was shot on wednesday, november 1st. the day before l&p were born. in the background, you'll hear an episode of law and order on the television. i remember being in so much pain at this point. i was on "bedrest", and i had long since kicked bc3 out of the marital bed, forcing him to sleep on a twin mattress on the floor because i needed room to maneuver my large mass into (unattainable) comfortable positions. i had gestational diabetes, and my comforting bowl of nightly ice cream was long since banished from existence. i was certifiably miserable. my only brief comfort came from an indoor swimming pool which allowed me to float, weightless. it was bliss for minutes, and then the gravity took over after i left the water.

you'll figure out soon enough what you're watching and why i call this video loch ness monster.

THE BEAUTIES..

2007-10-16T21:24:00.001-04:00

the beauties are sick...again. and as a result, bc3 and i are sick... again. didn't i just post about us being struck down with the plague. boy, this blog is getting repetitive.

i guess this is our fate, and lot in life, now, with disease carrying mini organisms in our midst. i plan on having some kind of ailment for, i guess, the next 12 years of my life.. that is until they hit the teenage years, and don't want a thing to do with old mom and dad.

well, short post in the meantime... just some pictures of happier, healthier days.

pg in the prettiest pink dress

lily with her charmiest smile.

34 IS EVEN OLDER!!!

2007-10-10T21:53:00.000-04:00

happy birthday to my hubby bc3... he is quite liteally the best husband ever.. better than any of your husbands, hands down!! (just kidding!!!) so with the exception of the great stroller debacle and a some what messy house, bc3 is really tops..

he turns 34 today.. so everyone wish him the best year ever to come.. and many more. we have our health, our girls, our family, our friends, and each other...

and i love him more every day.

I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE WORST, BUT IT'S THE WORST

2007-10-08T20:57:00.001-04:00

ok, so i know i have a lifetime of discusting kid issues..i'm sure there will be illness, vomitting, and i haven't even had to do the butt thermometer thing yet. and yes, i've blogged about nose slugs, and the infamous "pea" already. but today was the all time topper...a 10 car pile up, if you will, where a chain reaction of events took place, one after the other...

pearl girl poo'd in the tub.

i know, maybe i'm over reacting. but it was no ordinary poo.. it was loose, contained her corn from this afternoons lunch, and quickly dispersed through the water like the oil spill of the exxon valdez. so, at the time lily was also still in the tub with her.. so that was number one. get lily out of the tub to avoid contamination. number 2.. get all the tub toys out, already contiminated, so pg wouldn't suck on them. number 3.. get pg out of the tub (and you might wonder why this was not bumped up a notch.. she was already, literally waist deep in it.. might as well save the toys) number 4..release the poo water down the drain, while simultaneously washing pg's infested bottom.. doing this is like trying to catch a greased pig. i had to turn on the faucet, and make sure the water wouldn't scald her, and not drop her back into the poopy tub.

next, clean her up, then clean the tub up. then scrub the living skin off my body to get any trace of poo from my hands. if i had my dithers, i would chisle the tub out, and burn it in a homecoming bonfire.. but alas, porcelain doesn't burn that easy.

lastly, we boiled the tub toys in boiling water, then consequently will have to wash the pot on sanatizing setting in the new fangled dishwasher. this was all after one of the most emotionally trying days at work i have ever had... presenting the summer line to a group of 20 which consisted of 3 presidents of the company, multiples evp's, directors, and the usual judgemental haters at 5:45 in the evening after they have already been through 3 hours of other boring presentations.

all in all, i think i'd rather face the execs than have to handle pg poo'ing in the tub again... at least with the execs, i got a pat on the back, and a "nice job" when i was finished.

30 IS OLD

2007-10-07T07:40:00.000-04:00

happy birthday to my brother...today he has been on this planet for 30 years, reeking havoc, acting a geek, and being obnoxious...

many more years to come

happy birthday..

THE CALL OF CASTING

2007-10-05T22:04:00.001-04:00

so my fit model from work just forwarded me a "twins talent agency" website. apparently they get many of the casting calls for nyc, and beyond for twins and multiples. i told her, "sure, send me their site.. i'm totally interested.." but am i really. do i want to be that kind of mom, who schelps their kids around to go sees, castings, try outs? do i want to subject them(and by them, i mean me) to the constant rejection, high hopes, and the competitiveness that is out there?

i mean, don't get me wrong.. the girls are gorgeous, to me, and of course to anyone who meets them (if i do say so myself)... but are they cute enough to be double mint twins? doesn't every parent think their kid should be the star of a baby gap ad? i certainly don't want to be the deluded mom of "cute" kids, who thinks they are cuter than they really are...(they are pretty darn cute though.)

listen, i work in an industry where i stare all day long at a woman's body, poke at her boobs, stare at her butt, to make sure the jeans, and sweater fit right. and we say to her all the time.. "oh, your right shoulder is your good shoulder." as if she were hobbling around with a hunched back, and an eye patch, waiting to be run out of town by torch wielding villagers. she is in fact, drop dead gorgeous. a vargas, pinup girl throwback..

do i really want to hear, or should they hear...thanks, but no thanks..
too ethnic...not ethnic enough...too white.. not enough hair....not identical enough...so on and so forth.

hmmm.. could it be possible for the girls to finally earn their keep around this household?? formula and diapers for 2 are exxx-pensive...on the other hand, could mom and bc3 earn a 10% cut as l&p's managers? mary kate and ashley are ok, now...right?

CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS

2007-10-01T22:30:00.001-04:00

so not many of you know that i was on tv. yes, i went to see martha stewart last year while i was on maternity leave, but that's not what i'm talking about.

not only did i star in a show, but toby, lily and pearl did as well. while i was 4 months pregnant, my good friend eric, cast me in his pbs kids show.. FETCH! WITH RUFF RUFFMAN. i appeared as myself(a fashion designer), toby appeared as himself (a dog), and the girls appeared in utero (as fetuses.) it was a long day of filming with 3 kids, and multiple dogs, as i tutored them (the kids, not the dogs) on how to design clothes (for the dogs, not themselves.)

afterwards, there was a fashion show, project runway style, with judges including a cartoon dog named helga who was inspired by heidi klum. i played the mentor part of tim gunn.

it was a crazy, fun day.. but truthfully, as the air date approached, i was embarrassed. i hate the sound of my voice on video..the camera adds a zillion pounds to my already whale o' a pregnant self, and i thought maybe i'd suck. so the original air date in june came and went, and nary a person i knew saw the show, because i was too horrified to tell anyone. but now that i've gotten over myself, i think i'll clue everyone in to the next airing. it's a 28 minute show, with another segment as well as mine. if i'm in it for a whole of 10 minutes, that's saying alot (which is shocking considering we filmed the entire day from 6 am to 6 pm.)

it's also a testament to eric's hard work.. he was the producer, talented, and funny and took care of me all day, making sure i wasn't overworked, had water and food, and ensured that i knew what to say. amazing to see all the behind the scenes hard work that goes into making a tv show.

in any case, it's a chance to see toby in a funny puffer coat. it's when toby was the real star of the show...before lily and pearl came along, and stole the spotlight out from under him.

set your tivo's.. next airing is next tuesday, october 9. on pbs.. check your local listings for details. (channel 13 for long islanders.. i believe at 5 pm.)

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- YOU ASKED FOR IT

2007-09-28T22:27:00.000-04:00

i've been getting multiple requests to see video footage of pg walking.. she's been going at it for at least a few weeks, but she's elusive.. once the camera comes out, performance anxiety. but i've managed to capture a few good moments. this is nothing though, i assure you. we went to the park this afternoon, and the little scamp was all over the place.. pulling grass, eating wood chips, and walking the whole time. that's pearl girl for you. there's no learning curve. once she's figured it out, she's an expert. i'll have to get her baby nike's soon enough.. and get myself a pair to keep up...

enjoy.

WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE TELL ME

2007-09-25T21:11:00.000-04:00

that raising kids is the most rewarding, amazing, difficult, fulfilling and did i say rewarding, experiences a person could ever have? even more gratifying than my career achievements, which pale in comparison to pearl walking across the room on her own (before 11 months even!!) buying our own home doesn't even hold a candle to lily clapping and dancing in rhythm when the music comes on (a musical prodigy, is she?)

of course with out the prior two events we would be living in a cardboard box eating beans out of a tin can, under an overpass of the BQE.

but i digress.

yes. where was i? the girls.

i want to remember today.. i was playing a game with pearl. she was sitting, like a lady, in her high chair. i would zoom in real close to her face, and rub her nose to my nose.. an eskimo kiss. at the same time, i would squeal "ma ma" to her (they've already got da da down to a science) i did this a few times, and would go back and forth between her and lily... now here's the good part. she started playing back!!... mimicking my motions.. actually playing back. and wriggling her face back and forth so our noses were rubbing. it was the sweetest moment in the world.

i want to remember...

last week, when lily was laughing hysterical over being hung upside down, and me singing my "upside down lily" madeupsong to her.

or the way they love to crawl, then congregate under the dining room table.. their own secret club house.. no adults allowed. swapping and bargaining for toys.

or the fact that lily is particularly obstreperous(that's a million dollar word).. she is a loud mouth for sure. babble screaming all the time. (not sure who she learned that from?)

that pearl can be such a little lady.. waiting patiently for her food, while lily tantrums, hoots and hollers when her spoonful doesn't come in a timely manner.

that pearl is a mini genius.. thinks things through.. you can see the wheels turning. someday she'll figure out a way to break free, and we'll find her pawning my good silverware in town... bc3 believes she'll grow up to be an "international jewel thief."

that lily can also be very still.. she will take in a big breath, sigh, and lay her cheek to mine, as we stare out the window.. those moments are fleeting, so i try to lay very still too, stop time, hold my breath... to not disturb her reverie.

that they flop down on the ground, on their backs, on their tummies, and just lay there, much like bc3 does from time to time. then they scramble back up again.. onto the next toy.

that bc3 has coined the term "chee-cho's." cheerios to others, or baby crack to my girls. whenever he sing songs "chee-cho's" to the girls, they stare up, and crawl over to the tv table(where they regularly take their chee-cho's), as if they're sidling up to the bar waiting for the bartender to serve them their beer. talk about pavlovian conditioning!!

(here comes the difficult)
that this morning, lg poo'd and it leaked all down her leg. and rather than throw out her brand new pj's and yankee onesie, i hand washed them in the sink...i actually dry heaved and gagged, after pushing a whole pea down the drain, with my bare hands. (i seriously should have just thrown them out!!)

that last week, they were sick. i couldn't do anything for them, and everytime i tried to wipe the slugs coming out of pg's nose, she would scream as if i was pinching her. heartbreaking...

that i wake up every morning tired as can be.. there is never enough sleep in the day.. never enough hours to do it all.

that getting out of the house on time takes the planning and scheduling of a nuclear missile launch, getting babysitters (in pairs) is nearly impossible and even the thought of traveling more than an hours drive away, for a vacation is as daunting as climbing mount everest.

but you know what.. i can't really think of any more difficults. and point for point, where my girls are concerned...the good will always outweigh the bad.

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- A LI'L BIT OF SUNSHINE!

2007-09-23T19:27:00.000-04:00

after our music class the other day, we strolled in the playground, and set the girls to one of their first swing rides where they actually enjoyed it... what it must feel like to ride on a swing, and have this much fun..she must have felt like she was soaring over the vastest african desert! what a little playground sand must seem to an 11 month old child.

pearl girl is the star of this show.

NO PICTURES PLEASE!!!!!

2007-09-21T13:22:00.000-04:00

please see hair today, and solid proof....

MISSING IN ACTION

2007-09-20T20:34:00.000-04:00

i know i've been missing in action for the past few weeks. posting infrequently, disappointing my legion of loyal fans (all 4 of you) i know that many of you, along with your first cup of joe, need me to jumpstart your morning with some quick witticisms, a poetic jem, or just a jolly chortle.

well first was our (bc3 and me) anniversary.(will post about another time) then "the great stroller debacle of 2007" needed to be sorted out.. which it has been.. please do not fear for bc3's well being. he is fine.. new stroller has been bought, and all is right in the world.

this week, my house has been a breeding ground for pestilence... it started with lily..drip, drip, drip. then, shortly pearl followed. it spread like locusts over a biblical field of crops, to bc3, and then when it reached my threshold, i had forgotten to mark my doorway. i could not hide and i succumbed to it's mighty wrath..(are ya feeling the ten commandments analogy?? i'm really working the drama for you all!!)

by the time it got to me, the wretched virus had morphed into a stomacheachyfeverysniffleychillsaches sort of thing.. i missed 2 days of work, lying in bed, sleeping most of monday and tuesday away. and then, aunt sandy fell...hard. i warned her as she was practically french kissing pearl girl on saturday, that she was asking for it, and pg was gonna give it to her (literally.) she missed a yankees game, and a day and a half of work(and i wouldn't say she was missing it all that much..(office space)

in any case, i think we're all starting to get over our afflictions, and hopefully all will be back to normal, and i will start my regular postings again. i have some damn good videos for everyone...a few overdue state of the unions... and a certain dynamic duo have a first birthday coming... i won't say who, as it will ruin the surprise...

here's a sweet little something to tide you all over till i get my crap together....

a fair farewell to the far too quick, end to summer... lily and pearl at jones beach just a couple of weeks ago...

A MAN OF MANY TALENTS

2007-09-12T22:01:00.000-04:00

bc3 might not be so happy with me after he sees this post..doesn't matter, i'm saying it anyway. my husband is talented, really talented. an artist, amazing, mind blowing, take your breath away talent. he also has a talent for fucking up.. again, amazing, mind blowing take your breath away fuck ups. he's extreme in all things to the enth degree, that's for sure.

this week, the fuck up was a big one. here goes...

bc3 lost lily and pearls one major possession... their stroller. now the big question people keep asking is, "how does one lose a stroller?" good question. and you might also ask..(fearfully, if you know bc3)"were the girls in the stroller when he lost it??" the answer to that question is thankfully, NO! but let's not let this little triumph instill confidence, shall we? let's answer the first question...

bc3 was dropping toby off at the vet. he brought the girls, in their stroller to the vets office. as he was leaving, it started to gently rain. rushing to get the girls in the car so they wouldn't get wet, (because as you all know, the girls have a rare genetic disorder where they're made of sugar) he forgot to pack the stroller into the car, leaving it on the sidewalk.

he didn't notice it was gone until the afternoon(3 hours later).. where upon he returned to the scene of the crime, and of course it was gone. he scoured the neighborhood, ringing doorbells, everything. so some mf-er is strolling their child and maltipoo in my beautiful combi, pink and grey, side by side double stroller, and lily and pearl have nothing. or worse yet, it was trash day, and it could be sitting on the bottom of a landfill dripping in kitchen waste, and dog poop!

we posted in craigslist, and ben put up flyers offering a reward. no luck.

now bc3 is having a firesale of his artwork to recoup the money to buy a new stroller and guess what.. we're getting a bigger, better, badder one,(and more expensive one) than the last. keep drawing till your hand falls off, bc3.. babies need a new stroller, and while you're at it..mamma needs a new pair of shoes. just keep drawing.

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- ANIMALS IN THE WILD

2007-09-01T23:03:00.000-04:00

ok, don't think me cruel for grabbing a video camera instead of breaking this up. usually when the girls go at it, they're having fun.. this time it went slightly too far, and i did intervene after poor lily girl was getting pummeled by pearl girl.

this should be narrarated by sigourney weaver, and played on the discover channel show, PLANET EARTH.

-the look on lily species' face silently saying. "help me mamma, why don't you help me?"
-the triumph of pearl creature, as she rears up on her hind legs, claws outstretched to deliver the final blow, she bellows, "NO SURVIVORS!!",
-after lily had cried, "enough!" and headed for the safety of mom's arms, pearl creature continues to attack with the ferocity only seen by animals in the wild...

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- IF IT QUACKS LIKE A DUCK

2007-08-30T22:31:00.000-04:00

it is a pearl girl. it almost doesn't seem possible that pearl girl is making this noise. i watch it over and over again, and try to figure out how bc3 is quacking at the precise time that pearl is moving her lips. but bc3 assures me that it was really her. this is one of the funnier talents she's acquired in the past few months, of course while i was away in san francisco, but bc3 was good enough to record it for your, and my entertainment.

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- WE'VE GOT A WALKER

2007-08-29T10:01:00.000-04:00

sort of.. like i said in my earlier post, pearl's got the gist of walking with the walker, but it's not bona fide walking... yet. i'm not rushing or anything. walking means extra knocks on the head from falling(and we've got plenty of that just from their maniacal crawling) and it would involve me, putting shoes on her.

more videos to come.. we've got some corkers.

THROWING THE BABIES OUT WITH THE BATH WATER

2007-08-28T21:19:00.000-04:00

i've finally got the girls out of the infant bathtub, and into the regular one. they don't really get the idea of it yet, and spend most of their time trying to climb out rather than sitting, and getting clean. we tossed cousin ry ry in there for good measure. a good time was had by all, until pearl tried to drink the water with the cup ry ry was playing with, and until lily starting tugging at the shower head cord. it was actually rather stressful for me at least.

one day the girls will hate me for posting these pictures, but they're not the boss of me, for now.

WE GOT.....

2007-08-27T21:38:00.001-04:00

TEEF!! FINALLY WE'VE GOT TEEF! 2 little ones on each bottom gum. 4 teef total between lily and pearl... which means we also have teething.
pearl walking (with a walker)!! still, it's walking. video to come
big damn expensive car seats with ugly flowers. (they were the ones on sale.) britax marathon's if anyone cares...could've had a flat screen in the bedroom, but i guess baby safety comes before personal sloth, and laziness.
a sort of babbling..."da dadadada da da da." from lily which could maybe pass for her purposefully calling bc3 dad.
frothing at the mouth, constant raspberries from both girls.. it's their new trick.

that's what's new for now.. stay tuned for some cute bath time fun with cousin ry ry, and pearl quacking like a duck(another new trick)

DR-GSTORE.COM- AN UPDATE

2007-08-23T00:08:00.000-04:00

so for the the 5 of you who read my blog (most of you, paid family members,) and anyone else who cares, the second delivery of dr-gstore.com came on tuesday, while i am in san francisco. bc3 tells me that the second delivery came, in worse shape than the first box. they piled everything into one box, and again, the dish soap decided to explode. this time, all over the entire contents, which was short two bottles of bathroom cleaner. not that i'm complaining, but it seems more of an effort to clean the said items up, than to not have ever received them at all.

anyway, again for all of you who do not know, i'm in san francisco, i am, currently at this time, while writing this post, in san francisco. the reason why i am so incoherent, is because i am drunk....drunk! drunk! drunk! having drunk 3 glasses of wine, 1 glass of champage, and one delicioso (made by a mexican bartender) cocktail called an old cuban...

i am definetly taking advantage of the fact that poor bc3 is dealing with two 9 month olds who are teething and waking up at all hours. i don't feel good about it, but i feel pretty good right now, in any case.

ok.. bye.

SOLID PROOF

2007-08-19T08:27:00.001-04:00

as a follow up to last nights post about crazy lily's crazy hair...(hair today)
this morning, i offer these 2 pieces of evidence.

pearl girl- normal hair at 8:15 am.

lily girl- "edward scissor hands", taken also, at 8:15 am this morning...

(BAD) HAIR TODAY, (HOPEFULLY) GONE TOMORROW

2007-08-18T23:40:00.000-04:00

our lily girl has the funniest hair. pg, no matter what has normal hair..
but lily's always looks crazy...
check it out...!

"FLOCK OF SEAGULLS" CIRCA 1983

"THE DONALD" CIRCA 2007

"THE ENLISTED" she's even doing a one arm push up!!

"FAUX HAWK- MADDOX JOLIE" CIRCA 2006

"THE DON KING"

we have also had the alfalfa, the "electrocuted" aka rubbed her head with a helium balloon, the reverse mullet (business in the back, party in the front,) and numerous others.

we look forward to many more styling faux pas when her hair actually grows longer than 3 inches, however by that time, we might be able to get some styling product in her locks to control the situation.

DR-GSTORE.COM ROCKS

2007-08-17T16:10:00.000-04:00

i usually don't blog about random stuff not having to do with the girls, but my last post about chocolate rain, certainly was as random as it gets, so i might as well tell you why dr-gstore.com rocks...

i placed a large order the other day.. shampoo, diaper rash ointment, seventh generation bathroom cleaner, and seventh generation dishwashing soap. i use a lot of seventh generation product when the girls are concerned because it's less chemically, biodegradable, and in my head, healthier.

so when i saw it was on sale at dr-gstore.com, i decided to stock up... i ordered 7 bottles of dish soap, and 3 bottles of bathroom cleaner, as i've decided to start bathing the girls together in the bathtub.(better for the girls to not have mr. clean all in their bathwater)

the package arrived today, and one of the two boxes was a stinking mess. one of the dish soaps had busted open, and half the bottles' content coated everything else in slippery slime. we unpacked the whole box, and bc3 proceed to wash all the contents which included 4 dish soaps, and the bathroom cleaner.

i called dr-gstore.com, because by nature, i'm a discontented complainer. i, of course, exaggerated a wee bit, and told them that 3 of the dishsoaps had burst free of their protective enclosures, and ruined everything. i thought i'd score a free bottle, or maybe a coupon for 2 pennies off my next order... it never hurts to try, right? i was all ready with my indignant, "i will never order from dr-gstore.com again, if you don't fix this travesty against humanity!" routine.

instead, the rep told me he would ship everything out again, overnight, free of charge. nary a profanity, f bomb, or protest passed from my lips. did i mention that only one box was effected!!? and that everything that was ruined is still perfectly usable!! but the good people at dr-gstore.com are sending the ENTIRE $70 order again.. overnight, for free!! jackpot! every dollar counts when you've got twins in the house.

we'll, all told, will have, in our house, when it ships, the following:

14 bottles of dishsoap
6 bottles of bathroom cleaner
2 JUGS of a & d ointment (a favorite of mine for it's multipurposefulness)
2 packs of bobby pins
4 JUGS of shampoo
and..2 packs of dental floss picks...

we'll be extra clean for a long time, clean dishes, and tub, have clean hair, well flossed teeth, and my bangs will be neatly clipped behind my ears at all times.

(i've omitted the u from the name of the online store... in case someone googles the store, i don't want to be busted for my exaggerated complaining.. however, i do highly recommend the site.. they have everything, and customer service is great, and usually free shipping)

A VIDEO IS WORTH A MILLION WORDS- CHOCOLATE RAIN

2007-08-15T21:19:00.000-04:00

i know my blog has been video heavy these days, but i really can't help this one..
this is my new favorite youtube video...

seriously... come on. chocolate rain. this is brilliant. i can't get this song out of my head.
enjoy the musical stylings of