GUARD RAILS

i've been neglectful. i haven't written. this blog is like a long lost pen pal. sorry blog, i'll be better in 2010! (#1 resolution!) does anyone still read this?? give a shout out if you do!

2009 has been a stagnant year for me. nothing to write in the history of years. 2009 was fine.. just fine. no better, no worse.

not like 2006- the year that change my life, my pregnancy, the girls born. 2001- when bc3 and i were engaged and married, and when 9/11 happened. 2002- when i saw the ruins of greece and the cathedrals of rome. not like 2008 when i decided to "quit" my job, move to wisconsin, and then at the last minute change my mind to stay, and travelled france for 2 weeks, living without a care. nope... 2009 was a snoozer. with the exception of the girls, my fabulous, precocious, amazing girls, my lovely, devoted husband, i'd have to say 2009 was a wash.

we survived this year. that's basically what we did. we made it through to the end.

but i'll tell you what i've discovered this year though... something worth writing about.

i can't sit around waiting for something to happen for me. 2009 had to happen for me to realize that. this year i'm going to get things out of my system... stop talking, and start walking. explore all possibilities. i'll get to my goal weight (i've already lost 20 lbs.) i'm going to figure out what i want to be when i grow up ( no small task.) it might happen so quickly, but i will lay the foundations. i will seperate the wheat from the chaff. make things happen, the right things, not just for my family but for me.

i can no longer live vicariously through my children, their achievements, their bright futures. they are my pride and joy, and becoming their mother satisfies the most basic desire i ever had. but it's not enough just to be their mom. they will appreciate that i've made myself satisfied apart from them.

i don't want a multi million dollar empire (although multi millions wouldn't hurt my plight.) i don't want to be famous.

i want to be happy and healthy. i want to travel. i want to experience life (we only have one, you know!) i want to be useful, and i want to make a difference. i want to live life on my terms, play by my own rules. there should be no guard rails. no speed limit or minimum speed for that matter! i'm going to take chances, because taking chances is the only way to find out. i'm going to figure out how to do this.

ok, well that's it. i've put it out there, and i can't take it back. what's said on a blog is law.

what's past is past and it's made me who i am. now, to figure out what i'll become.

good ridance 2009!! happy new year. i wish everyone happiness.