LOW MOMENTS

bc3 is gone. he's left me. i've been abandoned.

bc3's on his first big boy trip alone. to san diego. comic con...nerd fest.

and i'm here, a single mom.

the other night i sank to a new low. pearl would not eat her dinner. lily insisted on being difficult...

"get me my drink,"
"i want a spoon"
"i don't like lobster!"
"feed me like a baby!"...

they like to say, and i know perfectly well they can feed themselves. i threatened, i grabbed for a life preserver, "if you don't eat your dinner, i'm calling daddy and i'm calling the police!!" daddy, they could care less about. the police part struck an exposed nerve. pearl's face registered instant and palpable fear.

both snatched up their bowls, fork instantly in hand and proceeded to shovel the food into their mouths. "don't call the po-weece mommy! i eat like a big girl."

bile rose up in my throat. did i really just threaten my 2 1/2 year old's with police action??

i felt awful, victorious and powerful, all in the same moment.

i've used it twice more since bc3 has been gone. once to get them to bed, again to get them in the bathtub. the shock and awe has worn thin on lily, she just ignores me and continues to run around her bedroom naked. i need the prop of the telephone for it to ring true with her. but pearl, she buys it, hook, line and sinker... jumps into bed, jumps into the tub, and asks how high.

like i said, i'm not proud.. but it's two against one, and if i don't want to be found by the neighbors bound and gagged while the house burns down around me, then this is what i need to do. i'll do what needs to be done. i'll do the doing that does the job.

that's right...i said it, and i'll say it again...at least until bc3 gets back on sunday.