NAUSEA AND ELATION AND EXCREMENT

it's physically like being on a roller coaster after you've gone down the first serious drop. you don't know whether to vomit, laugh your head off, or shit your pants. many times you do all three at the same time.

this is exactly how i feel at this very moment.

many of my loyal(er) readers know that as of tomorrow, july 31st, i am out of a job. i won't go into further details of how this job was lost, because if some people(my mother) knew the whole truth, some people(my mother) would not be very happy with me. those people would lecture me about the fact that i have a mortgage to pay, and 2 children to feed, and the "electricity" to keep on, and would change my feelings of freedom and elation into the nausea and the stomach cramps i am trying to keep suppressed.

i also signed some very formal legal document that says "release from all claims" blah blah "confidentiality" blah blah "good will and nondisparagement" blah blah blah... like whatever man! is nondisparagement even a word??? wait.. maybe i'm being disparaging by writing that.

anyway, i am trying to enjoy the fact that i have nothing to do tomorrow but scrape the mac and cheese off lily's heiny after she hides it in her high chair and squashes it into her pants. and even though i don't have to wake up at 730am to get to work, i probably will be awake anyway because those 2 creatures i call my spawn will wake up at some ungodly hour like 4am! CAN'T A GIRL ENJOY HER FREEDOM FOR ONE DAMN DAY!

if you would like to know the real story behind this rather bizarre post, please email me...

and for God sakes if you know the whole story already.. please don't tell my mom. i know she doesn't read this blog because she still writes her "yee mails" IN ALL CAPS, and doesn't understand that she sounds like she's shouting, and if i said blog to her, she'd make a face as if i just asked her to launch a nuclear missile from her cell phone.