GENERATION XXX

since my girls have recently turned into wild animals, and my nephew rarely eats more than 2 m&m's, and an animal cracker per day, my sister and i decided to take the kids to burger king for dinner, where they could run around in the fenced in playland, screech and scream to their hearts content. seriously.. friday nights which were usually reserved for, at least, the french bistro in town are now relegated to the picnic tables by the kiddie play land. shoes are optional.
pomme frites are now substituted by the bk "fry pod," steak au poivre swapped out for a whopper junior. i'll stop lamenting eventually and except my current fate, since our culinary misadventures is not what this post is about.

when we entered the "dining (romper) room," there were a group of boys. couldn't have been older than 14. strange, i thought, that these teens would be eating in the kiddie playland...but i ignored, and watched the girls and ryan play on the slides. i'm not entirely old, and i definitely remember what it was like to be that age, so i dismissed the cursing, the annoying behavior, the fact that one kid knocked lily over.

when two boys started wrestling at the front of the slide landing, i'd had it...i made it quite obvious that i was going in to find a manager... they hightailed it out of there.

next, the gaggle of girls filed in... flirting as the boys left. obviously they were there for that very purpose. again, i ignored the cursing...but one young "lady" said something that chilled me to the core....

"sit down", she said to her girlfriend..,."we're talking about our sex lives."

suddenly all those articles i've read in teen vogue about rainbow parties, pharm parties, and teen sex were sitting right in front of me, in the flesh, at the local burger king. they talked about getting wasted, hooking up.. which i'm sure means much more than my antiquated version of the phrase.

WHAT THE WHAT?!!!!! SEX LIVES!??! YOU ARE 14. YOU ARE NOT CARRIE, MIRANDA, SAMANTHA, AND CHARLOTTE. IF I KNEW WHO YOUR MOTHER WAS, I'D PULL HER UP OFF HER ASS, SLAP THE WHISKEY OUT OF HER LEFT HAND, FLICK THE MARLBORO MENTHOL LIGHT OUT OF HER RIGHT, AND SHAKE SOME SENSE INTO HER!! YOU PROBABLY HAVE THE CLAP... ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE "HOOKING UP" WITH THE LIKES OF THOSE MISCREANTS WHO JUST LEFT HERE TO GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC! HOPEFULLY THERE IS SOME PENICILLIN IN THAT BIG BOWL OF PILLS! TAKE AN EXTRA DOSE.. YOU'LL NEED IT!

my sister and i swore... we said at least one of the three would have to be sacrificed, and raised as "the nerd." this "one" would narc out the other two if they were ever spotted carrying on, hooking up, or acting a fool....

as we packed up...a group of very sweet soccer girls popped in, probably 9-10 years old. they asked after the girls.."are they twins?" "they're so cute!!".. one girl even opened and held the door for us...

i thought, now finally, some nice girls. i searched the dining room for their parents... they sat together at one end, watching their kids play... i made a mental note and thought..

PLEASE, I BEG YOU!...DO NOT MAKE ME COME LOOKING FOR YOU IN 4 YEARS!