LITTLE GIRL.....DON'T

you dare say NO to me.
come over here right now so i can change your diaper.
do you think i enjoy cleaning other people's crap?
i have to because i am your mother.
i am not being paid.
you couldn't even pay me enough to do this job.

only the fear of children's services coming to take you away, compels me to change that disaster area.
that, and "societal dictums" that children should be clean, and not run around naked from the waist down.
we don't want to be the smelly children at playgroup..do we?

i would usually pawn it off on your grandmother, but she's not here is she?
it's just you and me, so get your stinky butt over here!!

"NO!" you say?.. you dare to say, "NO!"

the governor has declared a state of emergency in 2 counties-urass, and heiny town.
the national guard and army troops are at our doorstep as we speak with hazmat suits, gas masks, and sand bags.
they will not be delicate with "warmed wipes" and "diaper rash cream."

you are nearly 20 months old, to be precise 603 days old.
you have had your diaper changed no less than 7 times per day, every single day.
thats at least, AT LEAST 4221 crap and pee filled diapers in your lifetime...and counting!
do you know what i could have bought with 8000 diapers worth of money?
that mulberry bag i've always dreamed of??...those marni shoes????

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.. what the hell did you eat last night??

ENOUGH!
you know the drill.
DO NOT thrash your legs at me.
DO NOT twist and turn as if you were a fish dropped in hot oil!
DO NOT run away from me.
DO NOT put your fingers there! that is disgusting! i will vomit.
DO NOT say "NO" to me.

PLEASE, i beg you.
lay still, and be the good little girl i always imagined you would be.
just for this brief moment.
this hurts me more than it hurts you.
let's just get this over with and
you can return to the

systematic

destruction

of my living room.